notes from the underground--grad school edition, volume 5.

i don't write anymore.
not much, anyway.
why is that?

january has been the first month of grad school in which i haven't made any note at all.
there's significance in that.
in the fact that i was barely surviving--barely breathing, even.
because january was a real doozy.
and i've never been so glad to see her go and hope she takes the wintertime with her.

i spent a lot of time doing things like cutting out laminated visual aids,
coloring said aids,
making others help me color said aids.
sometimes i feel like the core of what i'm doing has very little to do with speech itself at all,
but learning how to make things into games instead.
learning how to motivate and engage children.
#lifeskillz

i began the semester in a sickly state and a fuzzy head that took a couple weeks to go away.
that never helps anything, does it?
and if january were summed in one word, it would be this:
h a z e.

most would never know how fiercely i considered dropping out.
most would never know how deeply my soul has been striving to find peace.
most would never know how frequently i struggled to complete even the bare minimum.
most would never know how ardently i wished i could be anywhere but here.
but i'm still here.

there's this plant my mom bought for me right around the new year.
it came as a bulb with just a few leaves shooting out.
for awhile, we thought it was dead.
perhaps i'd underwatered it or left it neglected and too far from the light.
i gave her some water, though.
and the most curious thing happened--
she began to grow.
slowly, of course.
those leaves started getting just a little bit taller, until their tips started peeking out of the vase.
every few days, she became parched again,
so i'd drop in the remnants of the day from my water bottle before moving quickly on.
(because january was busy with a capital b, in more ways than one.)
and those stalks kept rising with a bulge at the tip.
last week, that bulge started parting.
yesterday, those bulges began to bloom.
just one and a half at first.
now, though.
now there's two full flowers, two still opening, and two buds waiting to spread their petaled wings.
you're much more patient with them than i am.
i already thought they were dead, and probably would have thrown them out.
that's what my mom said when the stalks started sprouting up.
they just needed a little love, is all.
some water and some light.
that's what i said, you see.

i'd like to think that this is how i am with people, too.
that i'm patient and good at helping them find nourishing water and light.
i was once, anyway.

a little in romania, and in ukraine, especially.
i had healing hands.
but sometimes i think i've lost those hands.

when you look at me, what do you see?
do you see--a sparkle?
like something reflective of something bigger that's trying to get out?
(mr. magorium's wonder emporium.)

i've been thinking a lot about romania lately.
especially about a dream i had while there.
this small little piece of something that showed me i care for this.
a little moment that sank into my bones to say,
communication matters.
it was a dream about one of my little boys, though was applicable to any of them.
because it really does matter.
it really will go somewhere.
and perhaps, for me, more important than that right now is this:
knowing that i belong here,
even when i'm not so sure.

sometimes i wonder if the only reason i stay is that i have nowhere else to go.

and last week. my mom brought home a new orchid for me.
because maybe i just need some water and some light, you know?
january is over now, and a month centered around love replaced her.
at a time when i think most are beginning to fall, i've already passed the hardest part.
(or so i hope.)
after such a steep learning curve, i'm getting my footing.
i'm learning life lessons, both personal and academic.
(and i'm learning just how inadequate i am and how much i don't know.)

perhaps it's not about being adequate.
it's about being flexible and willing to learn,
allowing all people and aspects of life to teach me.

to steal the words of cj cregg,
the water's still exactly at my head, of course.
but perhaps i've been trying too hard to forget this one seemingly obvious fact:
we need the water and the light.

in the water--that's when my sprouts arose.
light alone is not enough for cultivating life and growth, you see?

even on days it feels more like drowning--
the light to breathe, and the water to nourish.
this is how we grow.

(does this mean it can be springtime now?
i do fiercely long for the spring.)

come down, sweet reverence.

remember when our songs were just like prayers?

like gospel hymns that you called in thin air.

come down, come down, sweet reverence.

unto my simple house and ring.

ring like crazy, ring like hell.

turn me back into that wild haired gale.

ring like silver, ring like gold.

turn these diamonds straight back into coal.

song of the day: the stable song, gregory alan isakov

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

autumn always reminds me of ukraine.

perhaps because that's the one season i had twice--

watching autumn begin, thrive, then turn to winter.

there's something i love about this time of year,

to say nothing of all the beautiful people it reminds me of.

the time and place when our songs were just like prayers.

even the fear it strikes in me of the looming winter--

there's something about that too.

isn't it interesting, how autumn smells almost the same around the world?

because there's something special about the autumn.

(23 october 2015)

winter always reminds me of ukraine.

perhaps because that's the season that felt it lasted the greatest amount of time--

watching winter come, freeze, then melt eventually into the rains, mud, and green of spring.

snow and grey squeezing through the spaces between snugly hooked buildings,

snow-covered fields and snow-rimmed branches.

there's something about every phase of winter that gives unexpected flashbacks 

to ukrainian streets, stairwells, and homes.

the hills in the late afternoon darkness,

the whited grey of the morning commute, 

the deafening silence of late night snowfall.

each take me back to streets and apartments and doors i thought i had forgotten.

isn't it interesting, how winter looks almost the same around the world?

because there's something we can't quite be sure of in the winter.

i hate winter. 

i hate the grey that hangs low and infiltrates everything.

and yet.

some days, there's something soothing in that grey.

something beautiful in the very things i hate.

coal into diamonds, and diamonds back into coal.

there's something in that, eh?

the way a hate can never quite stay saturated.

i've more i could about this.

another day.

(24 january 2016)

the day we discovered we didn't know the word for paradise.

"рай? не знаете? РАЙ. як ви не знаєте? рай! РАЙ."

наташа.

december 31, 2012 / 7:24 am. / kholodnaya gora, kharkov, ukraine.
the letters in the distance near the sunrise? our grocery store, digma.

(approximately) one year later:

"right, natasha. why would we know the word for paradise when we were in hell?"

sister bull.

the day she said that is the day we learned.

рай: the russian and ukrainian word. for paradise.

wintergrey.

me: today is a ukrainian winter day. low hanging grey. and. part of me kind of likes it. какая же я?

jillian: you have worn ukrainian winter. twice now. dressed up in it again.

it doesn't necessarily have to be the worst ever.

me: who knew? it doesn't have to be so bad.

jillian: especially when your name is solnichka.

(if only there were words to describe how much is within these sentences.)

winter.

i hope you win.

i won.

the wind blew in.

the things i learned from those two weeks before school started with my mother as my companion.

(minus the rare occasions when i shelled out and spent time with oh, you know former companions that are also home. and maybe a few other people.)

(both. because looking in the right place at an iphone is a strugg.)

she has an accent. her o's. she sound british when she says the 'o' sound in any word.
road / know / grow
the list goes on forever.

we do classy things like go to art museums together.

a year and a half is long without your mom. we look alike.

i love transport. i hated it my whole life. struggled in ukraine, but got over it. and now. i love it.

people are a fascinating thing.

i am grateful for not another january in ukraine.

here's to moms. here's to the first week back at school after a mission being almost over.

and here's to making the best decision ever in rooming with two of my favorite people on the planet--megan and jilly. thanks, ukraine, for introducing us. слава Богу.

[the former]
sister (jillian) bull. sister (angie) helsten. sister (alyssa) aramaki. sister (emily) nevers.

too many thoughts. too little time.

no time, in other words.

i'm drowning in school and work.

drowning in unprocessed thoughts.

i'll be reading till the day i die.

a list of things.

my life consists of going from one awkward moment to another.
inserting foot in mouth now, please.

i went to the grocery store tonight and bought the store. some people buy zoos, i buy grocery stores.
ok, so i controlled myself. but it kind of felt like the whole store when i was paying for it.
(and i bought cadbury eggs. totally justifiable because they're only around during certain seasons.
just like how buying pumpkin anything is justifiable in october because it's only around for so long.)

thick, fluffy snow is magical.

cousin mike got his mission call! chile concepcion mission. SO excited for him.
(and maybe a little jealous that my call is still at least 1 week away. but probably more like 2.)

there are interestingly peculiar side effects of being mission-bound. the unexpected, ridiculous, and hilarious kind.
like, really? now? that's all i have to say. haaaaa. good thing i'm the most awkward person ever.

i have tulips on my kitchen table that are the most beautiful things in the world. still. all thanks to grandmama.

this week is too busy. and i have too many tests coming up. i object.

march means it's almost spring. it means winter's on its way out and the best season of the year is not far away.
best ever. i think few people in the world understand how much i adore spring. i adore it.
everything coming back to life? and the flowers! oh, the flowers! adore it.
spring is springing.

the end.

photo found here.

you should probably just go back to kindergarden.

this morning i woke up after sleeping for 9 hours, and then stayed in my bed for another hour.
i decided it would be a good idea to not get ready until 20 minutes before i had to go.
while i was laying in bed, i found this. and it made me miss a certain fata of mine.
i fishtailed my hair today.
and then i spent at least three extra minutes when i was already late looking for my keys.
don't worry, they were already in my backpack.
i almost threw up after going up rape hill and the benson stairs. (i was late. avoiding them wasn't an option. and today it seemed more brutal than usual.)
i don't know why my ears are ultra-sensitive this week. but walking past the construction beeps and loud sounds almost do me in every time. maybe that's part of the reason i almost threw up. probably.
i creeped on steven and walked 30 feet behind him from one building to another, only to realize we were going to classrooms across the hall from one another. creep.
i found identical mystery bruises on both of my arms, though one is worse than the other. what are they?
laur and i are both out of control this week. basically, we're five. glad we're in the same boat.
in class i learned that the book of mormon is a gem. and listened to the guys sitting behind me laugh loudly and frequently at my professor's funny self. productivity at its finest.
now i'm at work, pretending to be reading an article on a functional approach to language intervention. instead, i'm reading blogs, and discovering new ones, and wishing i was in europe still thanks to reading one written by a girl in germany.
i really liked this post. i feel like blogging is a complicated phenomenon. i've talked about it a lot with kenzer.
good thing i haven't really dressed to impress since day one of blogging. it's all for me. well, besides the romania one that was partially for family too. but let's be honest, it was mostly just for me.
this week has been awful. and will continue to be. not that i have a bad attitude, but mostly because of what's on the docket and left to be conquered. baby steps towards saturday. baby steps.
i decided this morning that i'm not making my exciting announcement to anyone else until it's more official.
i realized yesterday how much i've lost french. as in, i don't have it in me anymore. it's just. gone. am i finishing my minor? your guess is as good as mine.
i've been to mcdonalds twice this week so far. judge me. i'm judging myself. my body feels violated. but it was delicious at the time. i have an obsession with french fries. story of my life.
i found out yesterday that my friend from my major's parents-in-law live in the stake i grew up in. so last night we had a conversation figuring out all the people we both knew.
i crave the summer chicken salad and honey bacon club from zupas constantly. i kid you not. constantly.
every day this week has felt like 12 days. i have way too many factors that are hating on my life this week and making me stressed. most of which i have no control over. rude.
i have two people that i need to call back from yesterday. am i waiting till after 9pm so it doesn't take my minutes? do i choose to be a cheapskate on a peculiar mix of things? you know me too well.

so about that article. i should probably go back to reading it. thank heavens it's humpday in the week.
good ole wednesday.
on the plus side, at least january's finally over.
pa pa pa pa pa.

valiente nuevo mundo.

(no, i don't know a lick of spanish. that's what hermana mckay titles her emails. i love it. and that's that.)

so i work a lot. and when i'm not at work, i'm spending long hours in classrooms. and when i'm not doing that, i'm at home sleeping, making cupcakes with lauren rose, doing homework, reading, visiting with family, or some other sort of something. in other words, i don't have much free time. it's kind of annoying sometimes, actually. never having time to finish this list of things i want to. but, for when i do have time, i've so much to catch up on! like recording memories about:

a wedding.

a soul sister visit.

a soul sister family visit.

romanian reunion(s) - yes, plural.

and maybe just some thoughts, experiences, etc. on top of those memories.

i really do wish i had more time to just sit and write. i have a list of at least three things i still want to start/finish writing up someday. hopefully before i'm old and don't even remember anymore. that would be ideal. for example, in my journal. i have entries that i started during church some sunday and never finished because i haven't had a chance - also annoying. 

life is busy.

but exciting.

interesting how this year is so much different from all the other ones.

buuut, now this lunch time is up. so you'll hear no more of my life.

mostly because my bagel popped out of the toaster, and then i'm off to class.

so that's all.

see you someday in all the old familiar places.

[not that anyone cares. it's mostly that i care and it bugs me that i haven't caught up on anything. but whatevs.]

someday = if i get my act together and stop working all the time / being in class / sleeping because i'm exhausted / doing assignments i don't really understand / reading things i do understand. you get the idea.

ok, so maybe it'll be awhile. i'm over it.

also, could today be any colder? don't answer that. but i'm freezing.

confessions.

. i walk outside my apartment and don't know how to get to campus. it's awkward. mostly for the people that get to watch me try and figure out if we're allowed through one side or not. or do we have to go all the way around? tonight was all the way around. member how i love construction?
. i sent 4 texts to laurs this morning before 9am. all of which were completely without any important content, all of which went un-replied to. should i take that as a sign? baha.
. there's a piece of cheesecake from one of my visiting teachers that has been sitting on my counter. and has mysteriously been disappearing, just a little a time. and i haven't been eating it. humorous? always.
. madame thompson will always intimidate/kind of scare me.
. o holy night (my favorite christmas song, perhaps.) is more beautiful in its language of origin: french. minuit chrétiens. more on this later, perhaps. i might have cried while reading the words while someone sang it today. it's fine.
. the amount of enjoyment roommate lauren and i get out of our twinkle lights in our bedroom? would be embarrassing if we were to get embarrassed by such a thing. are we? heck no.
. i feel super official working in an office and having access privileges and all that. confession. nerd alert. just like you hear people talking about. and now i'm part of one. i like it. a lot. obviously.
. sometimes, by the time i spend 30 minutes walking home from work in the dark, aka from the other side of the world back home, after long days (every day), the only energy i have left for dinner is to eat chocolate covered strawberries and part of a brownie from my visiting teaching companion. maybe i'll make something else later.
. have you ever had scrambled eggs with parmesan cheese? oh, hello. only the most delicious thing in the world!
. since i don't get off work/back home again until after dark, it makes it feel like the day is over by the time i get home. so i have a hard time mustering up motivation to do anything productive once i get home. i eat, do nothing productive, and go to bed. i need to fix this.
. i have been abnormally outrageously tired this week. multiple factors? yes.
. i might possibly fail my finals. also fine. oh wait. or maybe i should just spend ALL DAY LONG in the library on saturday, the day off work? oh, right. probably that one.you know: long partner paper in french, exams looming, readings, presentations. don't you just love school pre-finals? oh wait. actually, lies. i really like classes right now because everything is finishing up and you have been around your professors long enough that the just seem nice as can be. usually. today i decided one of my professors just seems like a friendly within-ward father-figure type guy - you know the ones? the super nice ones? yeah. i like it.
. i got an email from rossles today that almost made me cry. we miss our babes. a tangible kind of missing pain.
. i really do appreciate those that gave me opinions on these photos. i really do appreciate it. cause i really do have decision-making issues. and if you haven't, well--go do it, little ones!
. i, like everyone else on campus, have come to the two important conclusions: 1. i'm sooooo ready for this semester to be over. 2. the construction can end and go die. asap.

aren't you glad you made it through reading all that?
don't answer that. i need a life. but, oh wait. i don't have time for one. oops.
and i thought i was busy before.
fail, emily. you thought wrong. good joke, life.
i'mma gonna make myself some scrambled eggs.
homework? perhaps. (not likely.)
and go to bed.
yes it's 7:30 right now. embrace it.

something inspiring and sublime

tell me why i don't like mondays.

why, you ask?

when only two weeks remain in a semester, the day after thanksgiving break can be a harsh blow into all things stressful and overwhelming. just mustering the courage and energy to get out of a warm bed is hard enough, if we're being completely honest.

so on a monday such as that, your day might go a little something like this:

-- wake up far too early, stay up for awhile and do some things, then decide it's not worth it and go back to sleep for another hour (oops).

-- struggle finding something to wear. struggle making your hair do anything at all.

-- struggle walking up the hill, an obstacle course through construction.

-- struggle finding a positive attitude, when even listening to christmas music doesn't help, because-well, it just doesn't feel like christmas.

-- go to class and talk about general conference. remember in the middle of class to look at your planner just in case, only to realize you're supposed to have a quiz in the next two classes of the day, one of which is french.

-- almost burst into tears in the middle of class, but hold it back, despite watching the first half of this video during class, which obviously encourages the tears.
-- go to french, despite the possibility of a quiz, the fact that you haven't done much on the paper you're supposed to be working on, and the fact that this day should have been over before it started.
-- text soul sister through all these moments. that always makes you feel better.
-- find out from your professor that there isn't really a quiz, because that would be just mean. (duh.) (tender mercy.)
-- immediately tell laurs, because you're so excited. then keep texting her through the beginning of class. mostly about how you miss her and want to run away from the mean academic world.
-- laugh because your professor is in a funny/feisty mood. he's a survivor, you know.
-- almost cry (again) because you start talking about wwii.
-- buy yourself a bagel and chocolate milk. and read the daily universe instead of practicing for the transcription quiz that is less than 30 minutes away.
-- ace afore-mentioned transcription quiz.
-- go to first day of new work. (say whaaa? yes, you read that right. answers to prayer = i have a job.)
-- walk to work and be reminded of how annoying byu is with their construction.
-- sit through training. training is looooong. but, I HAVE A JOB. i'm just going with that. far too many people in this world don't realize the blessing it is just to even have a job. if it were up to me, and all byu student employes were put under review, i would fire most of them for inefficiency as workers. actually, this applies to all of america. that's besides the point.
-- walk home in the cold and dark, and have two random strangers complement you on your dress (that isn't really a dress. it's a skirt, shirt, and cardigan). on top of seeing the lights lit on campus? smile.
--walk all the way around the block to get home. jaow;eisdlkva;oisfdklmd;ijklm;s;fkmva = how i feel about construction.
-- go to the grocery store and leave with: milk, bread, eggs, hairspray, hand soap, ice cream, overpriced strawberries, rolos, a symphony bar, and twinkle lights. i might have been on the phone while shopping and barely paying attention to what was going in the cart. oopsay. shop fail. but on the bright side, i have milk again?
-- put twinkle lights up so you can stare at them twinkling as you fall asleep.
-- unsuccessfully try to do a little homework.
-- take a shower and go to bed. early.

the point is, this end of the semester stinks.
and it's overwhelming.
laur and i are planning on running away to georgia together.
(with will and my future husband, of course. oops. we need to find him first.)
so this morning, i took a deep breath, stopped everything, and watched this.
it's worth it. i promise.
and if you left your headphones at home, you can read it here.
but listening is better.


in overwhelming weeks such as these, sometimes you just need to take a break.
listen to the above video. eat some chocolate. maybe cry a little.
and then buck it up, and remind yourself that christmas is only weeks away, and go to work.
which means the avoidance of harold because he is overcrowded is about to begin.

p.s. happy half-birthday to me!

another independent bites the dust. onnn to the next!
(this quote from ygm means i'm going to be productive now. obviously.)

munții mei

member how i'm kind of in love with my mountains?

member how i kind of forgot about this fact for awhile?

no? well, i did.

not really forgot. just became slightly indifferent.

welp, yesterday kaitlin and i took a drive up the canyon.

just because.

and it was probably one of the most beautiful hours of my existence.

the mountains were in this odd state of limbo.

between the snow covering them, and the sun melting the snow, but not completely.

there are no words that adequately describe how beautiful this natural world is.

none at all that do it justice.

the world is so underappreciated.

and i may or may not have taken over 100 photos.

(don't worry. i didn't post all of them. not quite.)

timpanogos is gorgeous in the winter/springtime

only slightly a lot in love with this one.

aspen grove lovin'.

sundance.

my favorite tunnel.

watching the water fall. bridal veil falls.

glorious, magnificent, wondrous, majestic, incredible, lofty, grandiose.

no words do it justice.

i can't even get over it.

no matter where i live throughout my life,

i'll always have a soft spot for provo/sundance canyon.

always.

i can't even get over it. ever.

{ a post script for deborah ann:

you can bet i was thinking of you the whole time

and how you would have loved this all to pieces with me.

and felt like you had died it was so beautiful.

let's go up this canyon together someday, yeah?

this is our canyon. we both know it. }

remember, spring swaps snow for leaves.

member on this day when i said it might go down as one of the best days of my life?

i lied. today might too. why?

i didn't wake up early enough to go to the temple with tianne, but i was up earlier than i have been in a long time for my class.

i've worn a dress every day since last friday. (i can't thursdays because i have to wear pants for lab.) life is good again.

i maybe was on the verge of tears after one of the stories my professor told. in a good way.

one of my preferred study locations in the jfsb was nearly abandoned when i arrived after my class. so i sat in a sunbeam in solitude.

pago and i made a spoon it up date.

i've almost decided where i'm living next year.

i bought my airplane tickets to and from romania yesterday.

i finished another lesson for my online class.

i'm done with exams now for a little while.

the mountains looked stunning throughout the day today.

our stove/oven is fixed. so we won't die from the gas leaking anymore.

i'm going through a maaaaajor coldplay craze. still. plus andrew belle. and tswift. and mumford&sons.

my new headphones are the same length on both sides and are excellent at blocking out sound.

i talked to laursy more than once today. which is a rare occurrence lately.

i had an alfredo chicken calzone for the first time in ages.

we watched a video in anatomy that had me crying i was laughing so hard.

i'm overcoming my deathly fear of hospitals/medical related things more and more all the time.

one of my classes for tomorrow has been cancelled.

sarah and i planned out a valentine's partay we are going to have.

i read french out loud to myself. and laughed.

sarah and i also ate chocolate and i drank lemonade.

watching kaitlin's home videos and realizing she hasn't changed much since she was 8.

i went crazy looking through quotes and things. [see below.] so i'm feeling uplifted and inspired.

a smidgen of leftover fettucine alfredo for din din at 11:30.

sourdough bread and meunster cheese. need i say more? no. mmmmm.

chuck.

i'm sleeping in tomorrow.

there's probably more that i'm forgetting. but essentially, life is good.

perfect? not even close.

perfect for me? without a doubt.

temperature is completely relative. naturally.

i may or may not have gotten slightly carried away with weather meters and world clocks at my disposal.

that's for you to decide.

personally, i'd rather be in paris or iași.

but that's just me.

st.george is cool too. i mean warm.

[and don't worry. i have since centered the clocks above the weather forecasts. it was bugging me too.]

and in case you were wondering, for future reference:

romania is 9 hours ahead of utah. NINE.

keep that in mind. it might come in useful.

you know, as you're spending the spring and summer wondering what i might be doing at every moment? all you have to do is go forward 9 hours and you'll have the answer. i know, i just took a deep breath too. i'd be wondering at baited breath what i'm doing at every moment all summer. duh. i don't know why on earth anyone wouldn't be dying to know.

haaaahahahaha.

i think i'm funny.

don't even worry about it. it's fine.

i think the not being able to feel my appendages thing is starting to get to my brain. everything is frozen.

maybe? yeah.

today, these are my thoughts exactly:

flowers of the sun

a few years ago, sara michelle found a book at a yard sale. and gave it to me for my birthday. title? sunflowers. filled with photos of sunflowers and a beginning page or two about sunflowers. i had forgotten about it, but found it and can't stop looking at it lately. especially in days so grey.

"keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. it's what sunflowers do!"

-helen keller-

"the sunflower is a favorite emblem of constancy."

-thomas bulfinch-

"bring me the sunflower crazed with the love of light."

-eugenio montale-

"...we are the flower–thou the sun!

forgive us, if as days decline–

we nearer steal to thee!..."

-emily dickinson-

book preface:

"the sunflower presents an honest face to the world. not a dainty plant, it refuses to mince its way through carefully choreographed flower borders. with a forthright presence it stands solid and tall, whether alone or in the cheerful company of its brethren. the sunflower is a friendly flower, in its natural state beaming with a welcoming aureole of golden petals...very often sunflowers grow to the height of a small person, so they don't ask one to creep about on the ground, nor even stoop, to admire them closely. sunflowers reward those who sow them with satisfyingly rapid and dramatic growth. has the sunflower a dark side at all? how unlikely that seems.

for all the efforts of persistent plant breeders, the sunflower resists seeming entirely tamed, like a well-scrubbed boy dressed in his 'good' short pants that allow dirty knees, with a cowlick no amount of brushing can subdue...the prairie beauty so easily conjured up by the word 'sunflower' has been urged in directions even more strikingly colorful and dramatic than the original bright and simple, daisylike giant.

what is in the name 'sunflower'? the botanical name for sunflower, helianthus, is derived from the greek words helios (sun) and anthos (flower). hence, the likely common name. and who would dispute that the name fits the plant? ... some say it is so called because the face of the sunflower follows the movement of the sun through the sky, a sweetly anthropomorphic sample of phototropism. others say that the flowers move for reasons more complex than mere attraction to sunlight, and that the plant is named for the way the flower head resembles the sun.

it is helianthus annus, the annual sunflower, that is most celebrated. a plant some call weedy, it has indeed managed to naturalize along the highway and other forgotten places. even so, it has captured the imagination of poets and artists (think of van gogh).

anyone can grow a sunflower ('why, even a child can do it!')...for few flowers grow so tall so quickly–just what is wanted to nurture young interest.

the sunflower attracts birds, butterflies, and other creatures to its comforting presence. praise it for providing for the world's small creatures, cultivate it to satisfy a fondness for the seeds yourself, and put it in a vase where you can feast on its wild beauty. is it naive to think sunflowers accentuate the positive? just a glimpse of their winningly bright faces lifts the spirits. sunflowers celebrate what is generous and uplifting in the natural world, and they seem to sow a little happiness wherever they grow."