a list of things.

my life consists of going from one awkward moment to another.
inserting foot in mouth now, please.

i went to the grocery store tonight and bought the store. some people buy zoos, i buy grocery stores.
ok, so i controlled myself. but it kind of felt like the whole store when i was paying for it.
(and i bought cadbury eggs. totally justifiable because they're only around during certain seasons.
just like how buying pumpkin anything is justifiable in october because it's only around for so long.)

thick, fluffy snow is magical.

cousin mike got his mission call! chile concepcion mission. SO excited for him.
(and maybe a little jealous that my call is still at least 1 week away. but probably more like 2.)

there are interestingly peculiar side effects of being mission-bound. the unexpected, ridiculous, and hilarious kind.
like, really? now? that's all i have to say. haaaaa. good thing i'm the most awkward person ever.

i have tulips on my kitchen table that are the most beautiful things in the world. still. all thanks to grandmama.

this week is too busy. and i have too many tests coming up. i object.

march means it's almost spring. it means winter's on its way out and the best season of the year is not far away.
best ever. i think few people in the world understand how much i adore spring. i adore it.
everything coming back to life? and the flowers! oh, the flowers! adore it.
spring is springing.

the end.

photo found here.

hi, i'm janice. hi, i'm kimberly.

image.

a (few) lovely finds from cyberspace from all kinds of times:

this post is so great. i love kathleen kelly. ygm wins.

and let's not even lie. these, and all their variations, will always be hilarious. and dumb. but mostly hilarious.

this is the most adorable blog. i love all her outfits. dresses are the best. love.

i really want to make these someday soon. and/or this.

this looks yummy and easy to make.

i'm out of control in my desire to make a new skirt or dress lately. like this is adorable, or maybe this.

i really want this picture in my house someday when i have kids. maybe in a playroom or their room? it's so whimsical and inviting of adventure. and this is just adorable.

i so want my kids to own a shirt like this.

i will take my children to this museum someday. how cute is that?

bella muzica

i think my favorite thing about listening and focusing intently on classical music is its ability to take that intentness and allow my mind to wander wherever it may please. listening to the music means becoming lost in it. becoming lost in the music means letting my mind be free. freedom to wander and freedom to be lost.

(and maybe i just love the constant upward nature of this movement of this symphony.)

onward and upward, friends. 

here's to free minds and deep thoughts.

cousin violet was in part to blame. well yes, i usually am.

grilled cheese (my recent obsession) tastes better when you make it at 11:30.

and yes, i'm drinking the juice out of the bottle.

(i know i'm making you sooooo proud right now, mom. so proud. oops.)

and sorry about the picture being reversed. thanks for that, photobooth.

and yes, that grey thing at the bottom of the picture is my knee. i could also win awards for being ladylike.

making momma even prouder every second.

so yeah, i failed at going to bed early. i've been watching downton abbey so long i'm beginning to think in a british accent. totally worth it. HILARIOUS, i tell you. the dowager countess (cousin violet) is growing on me more and more every day. she just keeps getting funnier. haaa. and the war is finally over! such happiness.

best saturday ever. and yes, i've only left my room to go to and from the kitchen doing laundry.

ok, so i had waffles this morning, an apple earlier tonight, and am eating grilled cheese now.

but it's like whatever.

and maybe i bought a dress for brother's wedding. [the most beautiful dress in the world.]

i have self control, obviously.

saturday happiness.

sleeping in until 9:30. and staying in bed until 11:30 working on homework, blogging, and other nonsense.

spring sunshine outside my window. i adore spring, you should probably know.

making waffles for myself. chocolate chip waffles. and i even made two perfect circle waffles! note to self: you're out of syrup. go buy some. and chocolate chips. those are gone too.

spending most the day so far laying in my bed.

reading this post, and crying like a fool. i warned you i'm overly emotional lately. and ok, maybe i'd cry reading that any day. i have the best soul sister in the universe. no battle. and reading it, reminiscing, and looking through pictures while listening to this and then this from her blog? yep. goner. complete goner. you really are the best, laurs.

finding this old post and thinking i was dumb for posting it. and then i watched it again. there's something so soothing about watching the chaos of bouncy balls race down the streets of san francisco. and yes, the best part is when the frog jumps out of the pipe. bouncy balls hands down could win as something that can turn almost anyone into a 5 year old in 2 seconds flat.

converting laurs to my addiction to this juice. i've decided it's acting as my replacement for this juice obsession from romania. sicilian red orange juice. delish. but this v8 fruit juice is just the trick. it really is like drugs to me. i love it.

catching up on blogstalking.

looking through steve and kenzer's engagements. adorbs.

watching downton abbey. it's so great. don't judge me.

plans for a nap in the near future.

finally doing laundry for the first time in awhile. i don't want to talk about it. it's kind of embarrassing.

an entire day with myself. so relaxing. when was the last time i got to spend an entire day doing whatever i want, while still getting things done? oh, you know. i have absolutely no idea.

only think that could make this better? laurs coming down again tonight and baking with me. or trying to make beerrocks together. i finally have the recipe for these divine creations and laurs really just needs to try them. mmmm. i want to make them. so that's just an idea. you know, a surprise beerrock visit. unrealistic, but an idea nonetheless. after all, i'll be gone in a few months anyway. we've got to store up as many visits as possible! just a little guilt trip for you.

and yes, i do plan on going to bed early. i'm so excited it's unreal.

(sorry i never have any pictures lately. one, i always forget to take pictures of life considering it's usually pretty boring. two, my camera has been away being used for wedding things. but seeing as my life has few things that are picture-worthy, that's what happens.)

low expectations are the key to happiness.

the facts: i almost wrote a sob story thursday night. and i'm glad i didn't, and i'll tell you why.

   sometimes when you decide you're going on a mission and submit your papers, el diablo decides he'd like to put in his two cents about it. and really, it's quite safe to say that he's not a fan of the idea of missionaries. who knew, right? unfortunately, i think he's got a few more cents to add before my time is through. i know everyone goes through it. it's just an interesting thing to experience. i also know that a lot of people like to not talk about it, and just accentuate the positive instead. i agree with that, but at the same time think it's an important thing to note. there is an actual force to be reckoned with. as joseph smith said, he was seized upon by "the power of some actual being from the unseen world." by no means am i comparing myself to joseph smith and the first vision. that's an entirely different league, really. but as my mom has always said, when people are in positions to do good, that's when the greatest oppositions appear. and i've felt that. i've entirely felt that, especially as this moment i'm in has drawn closer and closer from the end of romania onwards. being in romania was like living in a bubble of light. being around those kids enlightens you. it builds you up. it's like living constantly on the doorsteps of heaven. i was protected while i was there--i know for a fact that i was frequently aided. but upon returning home, things changed. not in any particular way, but life just kind of got hard. now, more than ever, the biggest thing is that i'm emotional like nobody's business. some days are struggles to get through the day. i get discouraged. i get sad. i'm sensitive to any little thing. every little thing seems like more of a mountain than the actual molehill that it is. and sometimes, that force comes near to overtaking me. it's not pretty, i must say. this actual force empties you. you feel hopeless, in despair, and completely empty - even if only for a few moments. the worst of it never lasts long, but fairly often there's a lingering something or other in the back of my head that gets brought to the forefront. in a nutshell, the levels to which i hate satan have never been so high. but that's just it. yeah, maybe i've cried more than i have in a long time in the past month. but i never let it stay. even in pain and sadness, it never lasts too long. something always comes along to remind me how beautiful this world is and how beautiful my opportunity is. more than anything, that thing is people. people acting as angels when i need them most, even if they don't realize the power of what they do. i think the worst part of everything is that it's not limited to me, and i have no control over that. i've seen that force trying to perpetrate the lives of every member of my immediate family, and at times succeeding. and that's what hurts the most. something i have no power over.
   really, i think the most important part of this aspect of the first vision, is that satan doesn't win. in the end, he's going to lose. he just will. we always have opportunity to get out of even the darkest of times. as jeffrey r. holland has said, "for [Christ's] atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone. But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us." and that's just it. because he felt that hopelessness and despair, we always have an opportunity to escape even the briefest occurrence of any such feelings of sadness, emptiness, or despair.

and so, my conclusion is this:

   there is much to be said for the power of spring sunshine. there is much to be said for being surrounded by good people that are willing to give kindness, regardless of realizing the depths to which its needed or appreciated. there's much to be said for good food, slight spontaneity, and reuniting with an old friend and talking for 3 hours. there's much to be said for the power of how people are capable of change and how incredibly adaptable the human body is (gash your finger with a cheese slicer, it's almost healed within days). there's much to be said for knowing there is always someone who cares about you, even if they aren't nearby - something to remember always. there's much to be said for cousins that spontaneously call and set a date to come visit you, providing something to break up the waiting time for my call. there's much to be said for the simple things that bring happiness - like waking up to sunshine, listening to a certain song, laughing with coworkers, baking something fun, driving with the window down, or even just being cozily snug in my bed. more than anything, there's much to be said for the tender mercies of everyday that remind me of the goodness of god and that i really am ready and capable. any force encouraging me to believe otherwise is absolutely wrong.

so here's to the small moments. the pieces of happiness that together create the big things.
the things that make life worth living.

good. night. nurse.

i've spent my entire day today wishing this was the case.

(but seriously.)

you know those days that every step and every little thing seems like so much work?

getting out of bed, putting clothes on, walking to class, sitting in class, walking all the way to work, spending 3 hours opening tests and sending emails, walking all the way back to the opposite end of campus to fail a quiz, sitting in class, taking another quiz, sitting in class, and even walking home seems almost like too much work? yep. story of my life.

good thing i watched a movie tonight to enjoy myself. and then went visiting teaching for some more laughs.

and had a laugh attack and a half with lauren rose.

good night, nurse.

[i saw return to me for the first time ever this past weekend. haa.]

too bad i have a project to finish, need to go buy ink, and it's already 10:15.

school, i'm over it. be over. how about a full 2 year hiatus from school?

don't mind if i do.

april, come quickly.

it's time to jump then fall.

image.

is this even possible? i don't doubt it or question it.

it mostly just makes me excited.

isn't the potential of the future so exciting?

no matter where you are in life, there's always something to look forward to.

bring on the longest 2-3 weeks of mine and cousin mikey's lives.

it was in january that i first learned the true meaning of two very powerful, but simple words:

i'm ready.

so guess what, world? bring it.

i'm ready.

to find where the flowers grow.

dear future hubster,
it's been awhile, you know. i know. my mind has been other places. you understand, don't you? i know you do. i think that's one of your best traits. understanding that sometimes, there is one thing that comes above each other: our service to god and his own timeline for us. that and the fact that you understand me.
but i've been thinking of you a lot today for many reasons. mostly because my roommates and the social scene of my ward is very much a 'let's date and get married' stage of life (for the most part). give or take a few. and while there are so many nice gentleman, none of them really do much for me. it's just not even on my radar to even think about dating, let alone marriage. which is so opposite so many people around me. it's kind of strange. but right, at the same time. i know it's just not time yet. the time will come, you know. when you'll waltz on into my life. and i'll say, 'would you like to waltz forever?' and you'll politely, but emphatically, agree. what a great start to forever, huh? it's just not time, and we both know it. we have other things to do first. just a few before we join forces. we'll do incredible things together, you and i. change the world, hand in hand.
we'll bring together only the best traits from our respective families. my mom will think you're an a+ all-american, kind and tender fellow. my dad will love you, but secretly hate you for taking his little girl - which you'll respectfully understand. my brothers might think you're a little quirky, but they'll love to chat with you, and maybe give you a hard time (a given). and my sisters in law will just plain think you're a great guy, and a great completion to the sibling set.
sometimes we'll just sit side by side, hand in hand, in silence. because sometimes, i think there's quite a lot of power in the beauty of being linked at the hand. simply knowing that there's someone there with you. as well as the fact that sometimes words aren't needed. the sound of silence. being able to be silent with someone and understand? that is a true test of a bond. we'll have that, even if we have to grow into it. there's nothing i love more than saturated silence.
sidenote, i should probably mention that our wedding is going to be simple. not quite eloping, but close. we'll save our money. and do something small with only people there that we actually know and care about and care about us. deal? photos, flowers, white dress, suit, spring/summertime? friendly garden party sort of event?
well, that's all for now i think. i can't wait to hear about what you're doing in this moment someday. we'll look back and compare our timelines before they intertwined. example, i'll say summer 2011. and i'll tell you about how that summer means so much to me, and that was a summer that changed my life. i'll show you pictures, and you'll just smile sweetly when i shed a few tears as i tell you my stories and let you read my accounts. and then we'll switch and you'll tell me about that summer for you. and you'll tell me about the life-changing, heart-tenderizing experiences of your own. and that is how we'll come to understand. we know what love is. we know what charity is. infinite and eternal. and we'll play the question game. you'll tell me what you think. your favorite things. your favorite experiences. your hardest experiences. your happiest experiences. and we're pulling out the baby pictures. it's happening. i sure hope you're making and recording good memories. (because if it's not written down yet, you know i'll make you someday. or i'll help you put it in written words.)
here's to the memories that are building the bridge that brings you to me and me to you.

love, emily janette [  your family name here   ]

ps. let's always be classy and go to the symphony? yes? done. and if they are ever playing beethoven's fifth or seventh, we are so there it's ridiculous. though i might cry a little bit (i will). but it's no big deal. you know how it goes.
pps. please be willing to make fun of byu with me and the crazy people here? please?
ppps. spiders and other crawling things: always you. i will scream, you will make fun of me, and i will run away in complete terror while you dispose of it.

confessions

i'm incapable of making bread and having it result in 4 perfect loaves. something always must go wrong. this time it meant the top coming off of a loaf. dead serious. oh, and melting butter all over our stovetop because i left it sitting on top of the hot surface since the oven was still on. oopsay.

i'm obsessed with downton abbey. lauren rose introduced me and i just love it. on top of being gorgeous, it's hilarious.

being excited about something is so much better when other people are excited with you.

brittney confessed that she'll miss me when i'm gone. mostly because it will make her blog viewers drop dramatically. ha ha. jokes. (you should read it. her and her new hubby are adorable. and she's just funny.) i can't even imagine the thought of not having comd classes with katie and brittney. sad, really. it'll be a terrible shame during that last semester post-mission.

sometimes i think i need earplugs just for when i have to walk up the hill to campus. the construction sounds drive me crazy. especially the one that involves the huge release of compressed air or who knows what. or when there are super loud beeps the moment you walk by on the other side of the fence? freaks me out every time.

one of my classes today was so boring, i really thought i might die of boredom. don't worry, i survived. obviously. it was touch and go for awhile there, though.

talking to romania friendlies makes me happy. (shout out: aisylnn gets to go baackkkkk!!!)

even when i try to go visiting teaching, i fail. mostly because she forgot we were coming. dangit.

a friend of lauren's is musical friends with a friend of mine from high school. weirrrddddd.

laurs and i have a date to the byu philharmonic on saturday night. :)

i wore jeans tonight when i got home from class. i actually felt like wearing jeans. since when does that happen?? weirdest day ever.

i plan on sleeping in until the latest possible tomorrow. i have been disgustingly tired the past couple of days. guilty. so i'm sleeping in before work. can't even wait.

night, world!

an official declaration.

i've a little story to tell. please bare with me, won't you? i know this may seem long. but it means everything. so please read on. this is my story. the following tale is one i've alluded to several times before, but my feelings and determination have fluctuated greatly since the beginning. read on and learn. and if you don't care, don't read. because this is a story at the core of who i am, please respect that.

[mostly taken from a journal entry i wrote about a month ago - january 15, 2012.]

   It was about 12 months ago now that I started even considering serving a mission. I always told myself it was something I wouldn't decide until the time came based on my life's standing at that time, and I never really imagined myself having to think about it. I even came to a point that I was surer than I'd ever been up to that point that I would be going. At some points I would even have daydreams of sorts on long car rides about what it would be like to be able to go through the temple, and have my whole family be there. With me as the youngest, once I go through it means that for at least those few moments, we will all be there together. As my departure for Romania loomed closer and closer, I lost that drive, desire and surety that i wanted-or even needed-to serve a mission. I thought maybe Romania would seem like enough of a mission of sorts. Either way, I knew being in Romania would decide it for me and my experiences there would either be enough or I'd come home hungering for more.

  While I did return more than satisfied with what Romania turned out to be, I still thirsted for more similar experiences. While Romania was not an actual mission, it was similar in so many ways. Most especially, I experienced what it's like to lose myself completely in a work that is greater than anything I could ever do on my own - and that in itself is the most beautiful of things.

   Every minute of every day, I NEEDED the guidance of the Lord. Only He knew what each of those precious souls needed from me. Living in a world of relative silence, they themselves had no way of communicating their thoughts, feelings, needs, or desires. That's where He came in - bridging the gap between their silent pleas and my eager willingness to be whatever they needed me to be. That silent communication of every day meant more than years of speaking and listening with my mind. All those babes and me, we learned to communicate with our hearts. A beautiful experience that no words could describe, even if I wanted to try.

   I finally learned in Romania what it is to truly thirst and hunger for the words of the Lord: the scriptures. I remember one particular night feeling completely dumbfounded by the idea that I ever lived without their influence in my life daily. I found myself needing those words and that guidance in my life every day, not able to afford the idea of not having time or energy to read. Sometimes I long for that thirst--finding myself lacking that at times since returning home.

   There's something about Romania that put EVERYTHING in perspective, bringing to obvious light what is most important, and making me realize how many things could easily be discarded and lived without. Almost everything about the American life, really. We surround ourselves with so many things and events, complicating life with clouds of empty un-necessities. When really, it's so simple. It's all about PEOPLE. It's about an individual soul, and helping them to see the simple beauty of this life God has given us. When you put God first-as you always should-you soon realize that this really means putting people first. That's how you know when you truly 'get it.' The whole point of any wisdom and understanding given you, is ultimately to be able to share it with those you love. We are all God's children, and He wants ALL of us to come back to Him someday. That's the whole point. When you feel that pure love of Christ, you understand easily and simply why He was willing to suffer as He did. Because that love is a powerful force, I daresay the most powerful force. He suffered and died to offer life. A new life. An eternal life. And our job is to share this information with everyone, so that they too can see the pure love He has for them as individuals. So they can see how badly He wants them to come back to Him again, allowing Him to wrap His open arms around them. There's nothing worse than loving someone and wanting to wrap your arms around them to express it, but they won't allow it! G was like that for the longest time before he sensed my love and gentleness and allowed me to embrace him. It wasn't long before he came to me openly, knowing I was always there to give him love. I think Heavenly Father is just like that. He'll reach out until you allow Him to embrace you. And soon you learn how valuable that affection and love is, and return for it often--allowing it to engulf  you, filling you with peace and love. The thing is, He's always there waiting. Just waiting for all of us to run to Him for a hug, just like my G would - especially when it feels like there's no one on earth who loves us that way and is available and willing to love so consistently. So you see, it's all about people and helping them realize this. It's all about people. INDIVIDUALS. "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." -Mosiah 2:17

   In Romania, I learned the meaning of and felt true charity. Not the term as it is used so frequently in modern society to denote service and the acts therof. I mean in terms of the scriptural definition of charity as the pure love of Christ--the strongest and noblest kind of love. THE PURE LOVE OF CHRIST. Do you realize what that means? If you do, you must realize how profound it is. The love I felt for each of my babes in that Romanian hospital and orphanage was not a love entirely my own. Partially, yes. But I don't think any human is capable of this kind of loving of their own accord. I am completely confident in my presumption that it is entirely impossible. It was an unearthly kind of love, touched by the goodness of God and fueled by Christ's love. I think that intensely pure love I felt for these souls must be just a fraction of the love Heavenly Father and Jesus have for every living soul. And let me be the first to tell you, that is a love without comprehension that knows no bounds. I can hardly imagine a love greater than what I have shared with my kids. But our Savior's love is that kind of love. There are no borders or guidelines on love like that - only the insane desire to share it with all the world.

   So consider this my official declaration of a willingness to spend (at least) eighteen months of my life doing just that. All day, every day, wherever He needs my voice to be heard the most. Or rather, wherever the people that need to hear this news from me are located. Because really, it's something that needs to be heard in every corner of the universe. Seeing as I can't be in every corner of the universe all at once, I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord. I'll be what you want me to be.

And that's my story. So maybe these days I can't make it through listening to a certain arrangement of As Sisters In Zion without choking up a little bit. And when I watched the movie, The Errand of Angels (yes, I know it's not real life) soon after I got home from Romania, I was practically bawling. I kid you not. It was in Romania that I decided officially that I'm going, and since then I've been biding time: preparing, telling people I'm still thinking about it, and having fun with it. But now that I'm just a few interviews away from having my papers submitted to Salt Lake, I guess I might have to come out with it and say it. Because now, at long last, this really is happening. And I couldn't be more excited.   

as sisters in zion we'll all work together,

the blessings of god on our labors we'll seek.

we'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor

we'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

the errand of angels is given to women,

and this is a gift that as sisters we claim.

to do whatsoever is gentle and human,

to cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

how vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,

if we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.

oh, naught but the spirit's divinest tuition,

can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

So I guess this means the secret's out to all the world:

I, Emily Janette Nevers, am going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

(and I'm a little LOT excited.)

Just go ahead and call me Sister.

photos by lauren celeste burnett.

february the thirteenth.

52 cents to happiness: mint brownie. they're cheaper in the twilight zone. who knew?

i did something today. something that makes life exciting. lauren rose even bought me breakfast this morning to celebrate. and we'll probably spend the whole week celebrating too. who doesn't love an excuse to celebrate? that means my exciting announcement is coming to the cyberwebs within the week. maybe even within the night if i get too excited (which is likely). since when am i good at holding in excitement and exercising self control? oh, right. never.

c'est tout pentru acum.

did you catch that combination of two languages? oopsay. hahahahaa.

never, no never.

"...because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: 'I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].'"

jeffrey r. holland, none were with him

vara trecuta.

miss this place,

miss these people,

miss this life.

and the birds sing, doo doo doooo.

sometimes in life, you talk to your mom 12 times a day. it's fine, i'm regressing into a five year old.

i wish i could describe to you how hilarious my coworkers are. like literally, i laugh more at work than any other time my entire week almost.

lauren rose gave me a ride home from school/studying last night. all of which was coordinated through comments on a link on her fbook. and also involved me chuckling to myself. in the library. oops.

brittney bought chocolate kisses for while we studied speech science and speech anatomy! best day ever.

i'm converting millions to blogworld. ok, so mostly just katie and brittney. brittney loves blogging. hahahahaa. distraction in class much? yep. i've fooled them into thinking i'm a blogging goddess. heyaaa.

this morning i gave lauren an excited scale from waking up at three in the morning every day to j.k. rowling announcing that she's writing another hp book. we cool.

i can predict lauren's days. like, what she's doing at a given moment. especially in the evenings. creepy. best.

i miss soul sista. the uje. usual. whatever.

walmart had $5 flowers when i went yesterday! they've been pathetic lately. thank you, valentine's day, for the three peachy/corally pink roses on our kitchen table.

i met someone in my ward who was apparently companions with a guy i was in madrigals with. say whaaa? hahahahahahaah.

i like that i get to see miss sarah ann syphus more often lately. speaking of, i maybe have a skype date with mrs.watson on saturday! woooo!

speaking of pp, kaitlin has been texting me lately too. chuck memories are the best. member that time i threw up the water in my mouth because i started laughing at chuck with water in my mouth? oops.

sometimes i find texting annoying. hence i avoid it when possible. if i stink at replying, that's why.

i got a letter from sara michelle last night that made my week. those letters really are the best.

i'mma gonna study speech anatomy now. peace out, scout.

weeks upon weeks.

this week i've learned,

that when life gets to be too much, sometimes the best thing to do is cry. multiple times within an hour is acceptable - or maybe it's just the same crying session with a 10 minute break? you tell me.
that after you cry for awhile, get up and get over it. crying gets you nowhere, besides maybe a little catharsis.
that zumba really is as hilarious as everyone says it is.
that terrible grades aren't always terrible if you're in good company numbers-wise.
that my major provides us with so much opportunity and potential to touch lives. can't wait.
that an education really is valuable in any generation, even if these days a bachelors or masters degrees are 'a dime a dozen.'
that nothing is ever as bad as it looks in advance - usually.
that having a wonderful roommate to chat with while eating cereal at the end of the day is priceless. it's the little things and the simple moments.
that time heals all wounds - and sometimes the most important, but hardest, thing to learn is patience.
that sometimes it's important to slow down a little, and not speed too much.
that the view from my grandma's living room and kitchen windows of the valley and utah lake will never get old.
that good friends that make you laugh and smile are irreplaceable.
that having people that know you and remember things about you is something awfully special.
that hilarious co-workers make any day better.
that even after months of never wearing pants, but only dresses and skirts, i still never have a desire to wear them. i tried today, and i guarantee it won't be happening again anytime soon. no offense, pants-wearers.
that brothers and sisters in law sure do come in handy when you need a pick-me-up. they don't judge you (too harshly) for crying over nothing. that's what sherry's around for. dougy's learning.
that if the whole world got to have a home-cooked meal with their grandparents multiple times a week, the world would be a very different place.

most of all,
that regardless of what plans you make, rarely do they ever turn out as you anticipated.
good thing it is ultimately always better the way they turn out than doing it your way.
eternal perspective. another lesson lesson in patience and trust.

look at all this learning, and the week isn't even over yet. (too bad.)

all dogs go to heaven.

dear celli / cell bell / bubba / bubbalush / bub / baby girl / cella bella / celly belly,
thanks for being there for me to cuddle when i needed it most.
thanks for letting me read seemingly-forever long books for high school classes with you by my side.
thanks for helping me get through ap american id's.
thanks for being the best guard dog in the world.
thanks for having the bark, but not the bite.
thanks for your compassionate and loving soul.
thanks for always being excited to see me, or anyone.
thanks for your wild and rambunctious self.
thanks for all those days you spent napping in the sun in the backyard while i read.
thanks for always needing a good pet on the tummy, and melting when i scratched between your eyes.
mostly, thanks for being the most adorable puppy in the world and for being so good to us.
we'll miss you always.
love, em bem.

(photo overload.)

(name that brother)

rest in peace, baby girl. rest in peace.
february 2004-february 2012.

you should probably just go back to kindergarden.

this morning i woke up after sleeping for 9 hours, and then stayed in my bed for another hour.
i decided it would be a good idea to not get ready until 20 minutes before i had to go.
while i was laying in bed, i found this. and it made me miss a certain fata of mine.
i fishtailed my hair today.
and then i spent at least three extra minutes when i was already late looking for my keys.
don't worry, they were already in my backpack.
i almost threw up after going up rape hill and the benson stairs. (i was late. avoiding them wasn't an option. and today it seemed more brutal than usual.)
i don't know why my ears are ultra-sensitive this week. but walking past the construction beeps and loud sounds almost do me in every time. maybe that's part of the reason i almost threw up. probably.
i creeped on steven and walked 30 feet behind him from one building to another, only to realize we were going to classrooms across the hall from one another. creep.
i found identical mystery bruises on both of my arms, though one is worse than the other. what are they?
laur and i are both out of control this week. basically, we're five. glad we're in the same boat.
in class i learned that the book of mormon is a gem. and listened to the guys sitting behind me laugh loudly and frequently at my professor's funny self. productivity at its finest.
now i'm at work, pretending to be reading an article on a functional approach to language intervention. instead, i'm reading blogs, and discovering new ones, and wishing i was in europe still thanks to reading one written by a girl in germany.
i really liked this post. i feel like blogging is a complicated phenomenon. i've talked about it a lot with kenzer.
good thing i haven't really dressed to impress since day one of blogging. it's all for me. well, besides the romania one that was partially for family too. but let's be honest, it was mostly just for me.
this week has been awful. and will continue to be. not that i have a bad attitude, but mostly because of what's on the docket and left to be conquered. baby steps towards saturday. baby steps.
i decided this morning that i'm not making my exciting announcement to anyone else until it's more official.
i realized yesterday how much i've lost french. as in, i don't have it in me anymore. it's just. gone. am i finishing my minor? your guess is as good as mine.
i've been to mcdonalds twice this week so far. judge me. i'm judging myself. my body feels violated. but it was delicious at the time. i have an obsession with french fries. story of my life.
i found out yesterday that my friend from my major's parents-in-law live in the stake i grew up in. so last night we had a conversation figuring out all the people we both knew.
i crave the summer chicken salad and honey bacon club from zupas constantly. i kid you not. constantly.
every day this week has felt like 12 days. i have way too many factors that are hating on my life this week and making me stressed. most of which i have no control over. rude.
i have two people that i need to call back from yesterday. am i waiting till after 9pm so it doesn't take my minutes? do i choose to be a cheapskate on a peculiar mix of things? you know me too well.

so about that article. i should probably go back to reading it. thank heavens it's humpday in the week.
good ole wednesday.
on the plus side, at least january's finally over.
pa pa pa pa pa.