twenty-one.

just me again over here. guess who is princess of this day right here?

LAUREN CELESTE (wertz burnett).

she is princess of every day in my opinion, but today it's actually official.

and ms.laursykins is turning twenty-one.

yep, old.

and this year, she has a husband and in-laws to celebrate with!

can life get any better? probs not.

so one time i went through all the old pictures we've taken together, and made a collage of just a few.

just a few, i say, because there are many many more.

don't worry, i was kind.

i passed up this beautiful blackmail opportunity.

blackmailing myself, that is.

baha. cause she's adorable in ever single peekcha.

amiright or amiright?

(and yes we basically look the same in almost every picture. it's like whatever.)

 the thing is, i don't really believe in coincidences. (and you probably shouldn't either. just a suggestion.) i've said it before and i'll say it forever, this girl and i are meant for each other, in a completely normal and best friendy sisterly kind of way. we just are.
 i love thinking about the origins of our friendship. i love thinking about how much i needed her then, and how much of a saving grace she was for me at that time. she is my saving grace. and she taught me what a true friend is, and what a true friendship should be like. (someday i think i'll name a daughter of mine lauren grace. so happening.) i love thinking about all the silly moments we've shared, and all of the more serious ones too. i love thinking about how many different experiences we've helped each other through, knowing full well that every one of these experiences would be incomplete without the other. i love thinking about the way our friendship has molded throughout these past 4+ years through each phase of our lives as our own lives are molding themselves. i love thinking about this girl and her family at any time, because it always means a smile is right around the corner if its not already on my face (which it probably is).

"I no longer needed to question Jean to know the answers he would give, or talk to him to have him follow my train of thought. He was my friend, first and foremost among all the others. He was the mirror to which I returned to find the best side of myself. Absent or present, he was my witness." -jacques lusseyran, and there was light

 while we're talking about coincidences--or the lack thereof--i see it as no coincidence that i came across the above quote while reading today. this is where true friendship is found, when you know a reaction or thought of the other, before it has even been spoken. because even in little things, i can predict what she'd say or how she'd say it. and i really love that.
 so the point of everything i've said is this: lauren celeste is my souls shrub, and will be forever. she is so bright, happy, and filled with joy and kindness. i adore her and can't wait to see where the next few april 26ths may find us. cause i honestly can't believe it's been an entire year since last year.

happy happy birthday, laurssss!

i love you all the way to eastern europe and back. a kajillion and one times.
i like this whole you being born business.

before they want to be.

"In a happy land children never stop being children. But those who live in a land of suffering are men even before they want to be, before their bodies allow it.  They still have the mouth of the ten-year-old ready to pull a long face, the brightness of tears in their eyes, ink on their fingers, the slang of schoolboys, and little girls they have not touched bothering their heads. Yet they are already men, with a zeal for understanding and doing which must be assuaged without delay. They have a thousand times as many questions as there are answers the world over."

jacques lusseyran, and there was light

thanks for finding the peekcha ros ros. :)

stuck on you, stuck like glue.

happy wedding day,

steve and kenzie!

yep, he's whipped.

and yep, we're so dang excited to have a new nevers join the fam.

we love steve+kenzie.

(and maybe i almost cry watching the growing up photo montage video thing. it's like whatever.)

sounds of silence.

i haven't written much recently. in my journal or anywhere. and it makes me quite sad, really, if we're being honest. i feel like i haven't had enough deep thoughts recently. or i have, but they aren't recorded anywhere. so that's practically like they don't exist in a practical and real manner--that's how ideas are in my eyes. they're more clear when i write them. until then, it's just a jumble that i mean to write about or ponder about.

but lately, i feel silence.

big

fat

silence.

and so here i am, being silent. but you know what they say, quiet people have the loudest minds.

to be within my head is to face auditory bombardment.

cacophony, really.

i just don't have words to let it come out, because everything is scrambling for attention.

and when everyone scrambles, no one wins and no idea rising above the others.

and so here i am, being silent.

professional student hunters.

why do i love working in data entry at independent study so much, you ask?

my coworkers make me laugh. like, really hard.

[don't judge me for how gross i looked this day.]

i think they're pretty great.

(and they make me feel like i'm pretty great.)

what's not to love about that?

pretend allana is in these pictures! she only works afternoons so she missed the photos this week.

best office ever.

how do you paint your portrait?

Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose.

It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand.

Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.

Chuck Palahnuik.

via.

lesson learned this finals week:

(besides a rekindling of my hatred for the jsb.)

based on what i've been told about people's first impressions,

i feel awkward more frequently than i act awkward.

that's a relief.

but considering how often it is, that's not much consolation.

more later.

for now, h&g.

[hi and goodbye. ugh.]

(this means i'm watching sleepless in seattle

because me and lauren rose are both done with finals and miserably sick to boot.

well, she's more miserable. i'm more getting over it. which is my fault. sorry, lauren.)

and i'll be catching up on the 58 posts in my google reader from the past few days.
blog lovin.

compare and contrast, shall we?

friday the 13th, 7:40 pm.

friday the 13th / saturday the 14th 12:57am.

(why am i even still awake? why am i blogging? i need to get a life. and lauren rose needs to come home to me.)

yep, those are all my papers scattered all over our floor. 

lauren loves it.

and yep, that's my dinosaur blankie in the first one.

i was a weeee bit more bright eyed and bushy tailed in the first one.

sitting on your floor for almost 5 hours straight studying leads to going crazy.

lauren rose, our carpet is disgusting, bee tee dubs.

minus a break for a zupas+jamba run.

i'm the picture of healthy and frugal eating this week. oh wait.

i've had enough of this whole school and finals thing.

and the bags under my eyes are just getting perpetually more and more disgusting.

so i'm thinking i'll take a little break after this.

how does two years sound?

more than fine by me.

baby steps. let the games beginnnnn!

despite my brain being less than functional or cooperative.

(this is the part where i collapse onto my bed.)

my apparent need to blog more than usual during finals, of all times, completely baffles me.

tell me when you figure that one out.

when in doubt, rln of cn10.

the main conclusion i've come to while studying the laryngeal muscles and ligaments (and everything else related to the anatomy or physiology of speech)?
sometimes in life you need a boyfriend who will bring you a strawberry surf rider smoothie from jamba because your larynx hurts and you don't want to drive all the way over there and back and disrupt studying.
(because blogging, of course, isn't a disruption. haaa.)
nerd alert, i keep thinking about and am super curious about what my vocal folds look like right now while they're hurting. and i'm curious what is swollen or what part is the source of the pain.
but seriously, do you realize how neat it is that we all learn language and learn how to speak and that our brains figure out how the heck to tell the muscles to do certain things?? IT'S AMAZING!


whatever, boyfriend. lack of boyfriend. whatever.
maybe i'll break down and go myself. maybe. why is it that the past two days i feel like i could eat the whole world? the whole world. all of it. i think i could.

uhh yep. pretty sure i've lost my mind.

ps. my radical face station on pandora is still winning the lottery.

dear finals,

finals, you stink. you're cramping my style. especially when all i want to do is take a nap.

with pure annoyance, emily.

watching ever after is always a good distraction.

best parts:

'i don't believe you've met, MY WIFE.'

'say it again. the part where you said my name.'

'i'll go down in history as the man who opened a door!'

'while they did live happily ever after--the point, gentleman, is that they lived.'

okay. glad my geekyness is out of the way.

in other news, i still want a nap. and pizza. and more sleep.

(maybe i've gone to cafe rio twice this week so far. not a big deal. it's like whatever.)

mostly, i don't want to take finals tomorrow. and i'm not at all ready. shooooooooot.

and in case you were wondering, my coworkers are still the best ever.

next week we're having a bbq party. yummmm.

the end.

peace out, scouts. heeeelllooooo, finals. rude.

storytime.

number one thing you should know about me: if you ever here me saying that, you know it's going to be good.
real good. mostly because i ain't no story teller. but when it's good, it's good.

storytime, little ones.

(spell check should probably get over the fact that i think storytime should be one word. it disagrees.)

once upon a time, (lies. it was one week ago. to the very day.) last thursday evening my phone decided to show me this special trick up its sleeve. a new one i'd never seen before. the screen turned upside down and mirrored! just go ahead and read that again, i'm completely serious. it took some brain wrapping to figure it out for me too. well, occasionally this little screen would go back to normal, so i figured it was no biggy. well, all week my phone has been upside down/mirrored. let's just say i've gotten super good at reading words when they're upside down and mirrored. or when i'm texting words in that orientation. weird, i know. a few times, while still upside down, etc. my phone decided to split into fours and show the same thing really small on the bottom half of the screen.

like, really. you just can't make these things up. you just can't.

needless to say, i've been pretty annoyed at my phone at this point, quite frankly. and the image quality / color quality of the screen has been deteriorating throughout the week. and the guy at the phone store said it would only get worse until it died completely. it drives me nuts. anyway, it gets better. tonight it decided to progress. (maybe it didn't help that i spilled a little water on it. but, please. in my defense: like this was really the first time i've spilled a little bit. i drink water all the time. and it has rained lately. this means my phone has had a few experiences to wet its whistle. besides the point. all the buttons stopped doing what they were supposed to. and if i let it be open instead of closed and locked, it has a mind of its own. (it really does. it's kind of creepy.) and it was making weird beeping sounds every so often earlier. like the sound it makes when i plug it into a charger or pull the charger out. thank heavens that stopped. and now the screen has gone completely white.

personally i'm taking it to be the white flag of surrender.

but maybe that's just me.

the turquoise=degeneration of colors.

seeing as i'm not about to sign a new contract or pay outlandish amounts of money for a phone, nor do i have an enormous need for one, it's time to play the 'emily doesn't have a phone for 21 months' game. good thing the next 3 will probably mean fairly frequent email access. and fairly frequent access to civilization. and, well, the 18 after that are an entirely different story.

peace out, phone world. i probably won't miss you. seeing as i find this phone-addicted generation kind of annoying anyway. and how often do i really use my phone in a typical day, especially when not in school? exactly. thus was the end thereof.

ps. let's just talk about how my new 'radical face' themed station on pandora is the greatest ever. SO GOOD.

pps. becca boo and i get to be mtc buddies for 3 weeks. best. day. ever. (minus the phone thing.) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all need the darkness to see the light in our own eyes.

let's all sing hallelujah.

we're connected now.

ps. i'm also thoroughly enjoying 93 million miles right now.

your home's inside you.

easter morning.

he does live, you know.

he lives and loves.

who else would be watching over my babes when i can't be with them?

and feeling of their pains?

and allowing them to have a perfect body someday to match their perfect souls?

he is risen. all glory to his name.

and he will ever be at our side and the side of those we love.

let him in, won't you?

my favorite eastertime talks here and here.

they're worth the read. i promise.

conference traditions.

go ahead and try and ask me how much i love this picture.

laursaroo and i have a tradition going when it comes to conference weekend, you see. she and i go to a session, if we have tickets, and then go to lunch. or maybe we just watch a session together and go up to our canyon. anyway, i found out a couple days before conference that i'll be out of the mtc and in ukraine just before general conference next october, which means this is my last conference of this sort that's spent in salt lake for a full two years. which kind of blows my mind a little bit, naturally.
anyway, my lovely grandma had tickets that she let us have so laurs and i went to the saturday morning session together! [you know, just hung out with the utah missionaries by the door the speakers come out of. haaa.] then we walked around the stunning temple square and ended up at zupas. (maybe we have a mild obsession. perfectly normal.)

while we're talking about things that are hard about going on a mission, (pretty sure i could write an entire post about the worst and best things about going on a mission.) this girl is quite near the top of this list, if not at the top. in case you never got the memo, laur has been an enormously important part of my life, and means more to me than i can say. you know you've found your soul sister when nothing really changes much when she's married. that's how you know things are great. especially if she marries her best friend and you love him too. yep, that's how you know. things are just the same between us as they've always been, besides learning and growing together as all people do, and it's the most beautiful thing.

someday i'll have a hubby too. in that someday, we'll have double dates, we'll have fun trips like going to st.g (and other places too), and then someday our kids will have playdates. all of this someday, mind you. but for now, we'll have to stick with just being complete forks together, treasuring the time until we spend 18 months writing letters instead. no one makes me laugh like this girl. no one. the fun we've had has only just begun. so what if maybe we have to spend 18 months on opposite sides of the world? a nation's borders have no influence on the boundaries of the heart. this is me convincing myself that it's going to be okay.

if you want to feel sentimental, click here.

post script: pretty sure i needed to name one of my children lauren, or at least use it as a middle name, seeing as two of my favorite people are named lauren. just sayin.

uhh-von-det.

 friday, april the sixth, miss lauren rose got to be princess of the day. you know what that means? it was her birthday! and this girl right here is no more a teen. she is twenty. twenty!
 in true lauren fashion, the day started with snow, her favorite, and ended with the most beautiful springy evening. perfect, really. even better, her family came to town for her birthday and the phil concert and then we had adorably delicious cupcakes made by her mother afterwards. hands down the most hilarious family in the world. i adore watching them together.

 though i have loved all the roommates i've had, each in their own way, this girl has been by far the best. the very best. we are so good for each other, and we have achieved a perfect balance of give and take. from food sharing, to having our dumb moments, to having our shining moments. we're always gloriously happy or sad with the other. and it also helps that we're both super chill and don't get uptight about little things that could easily become a huge deal if we actually cared. we know each other so well, and more than that, we understand each other. music, puppies, tearing up over something stupid, down to the details of what we might be doing at a given moment. i really don't have adequate words to express my love for this girl, besides the thing she keeps saying and i keep agreeing to: "why are you leaving me and going on a mission??"
 honestly, it's dumb, but that's one of the hardest parts about going. finally having a perfect roommate that i'd want to continue living with and not being able to live with her again in the fall. it makes me so sad. she's been so good for me in so many different ways, and i can only hope i've been good for her too.
 she's compassionate, caring, and always reaching out to help. she bakes, she cooks, she laughs, she always has music playing, she's hilarious, she makes fun of me and i make fun of her, and let's not forget that she gave me something to love about idaho! (haaaaa.)
 mostly, we're a roommate match made in heaven (literally). there are so many reasons we live together. so i guess you could say i love this girl a whole heck of a lot. no getting married while i'm gone, baby cakes. seriously. and what the heck am i going to do without our nightly pillow talk?? ohhh-kay. die, probably. whatevs. it's fine. over it.

happy birthday, lauren rose!

i love you!

so here's the thing.

-- having an addiction to costco muffins is perfectly acceptable.
even if it means dashing your belief that they are lemon poppyseed muffins.
apparently they're almond poppyseed and never were lemon poppyseed. who knew?

-- the world is incapable of making a phone that doesn't find a magic way to make my life interesting.
this time? my screen has taken a liking to showing up upside-down and mirrored.
yeah, i don't understand it either. go figure. it's kind of annoying, but i'm over it.
and i'm a master at reading things mirrored+upside down. why do phones hate me?

-- when your grandma tell you that she loved your story and printed out that little memory you wrote in order to save and treasure it, that feedback is just what you wanted to hear and that little act will mean the world to you.

-- feedback like that, the verbal and non-verbal aspects, means the world. mostly because it wasn't flattery. not in the slightest. instead, it was simple and true. a pure reaction, not tainted by any feeling of obligation to say so. i don't want to hear a courtesy, 'i enjoyed that,' or, 'that was really cute,' or, 'that's so great.' i don't want to hear a compliment given just to be a compliment. i want the kind of feedback that is raw. the kind that can't help but be expressed because you're so moved that you feel you have to say something. touched to the point that you may not have eloquent words to respond or comment with. that's how i know the feedback is the most sincere. that means, even if the reader can't fully understand, they're trying. it's making them think and they're trying to understand because they can see the love i feel, even if they can't comprehend it or feel it themselves. that's what any such act would say to me. and that's what means the most.

-- shopping for shoes is easier than shopping for clothes, unless you want the shoes to match a specific dress for a specific occasion, such as a wedding. that complicates things slightly.
good thing i found some supes cute ones. go ahead and judge me for saying supes.

-- i said probs while gchatting with laurs today and didn't even excuse it or laugh about it. i just said it.
i'm judging myself.

-- occasionally going to the mall makes me feel super un-fashionable. and poor.
and helps me remember how much i really don't like the process of shopping.

-- family events are completely overrated and underrated at the same time. is that even possible? yep.

-- having it snow on april the sixth is only acceptable since it's lauren rose's birthday. (future post just for her is coming.) mostly because she loves snow. it's so magical, she says. and when you hear that enough times, you start believing it's magical too. the power of attitude.

-- we had a guest speaker in my class yesterday who talked about her experience with two of my professors, the education system, and working with kids with disabilities: namely, her own children. and honestly, this woman is my hero. i haven't laughed that hard in a long time--tears were coming out of my eyes. and a few moments brought me close to tears of a more somber sort. mostly, she made me want to change the world. and helped me see that i really do know what i want to do. not just speech path, that i already knew. but helped me confirm where i want to specialize. and after she spoke, i was left speechless. kind of like that raw reaction mentioned above. i had nothing eloquent to say, besides being in complete awe and admiration for this woman. pure admiration.

-- i miss my babies a lot lately. especially because of the finality of knowing romania is in the past for me now.

-- my hair is in severe need of being trimmed. severe, i tell you.

-- i should probably do some reading or studying tonight, but i honestly just want to go to bed. dead serious.

-- i am such a sap. it's embarrassing, really. really embarrassing.

-- i may or may not have almost fallen asleep in the temple yesterday. oopsay.

--the following lil piece of advice is infinitely more powerful than one would think. it always makes a difference.

found here.

here's the thing. this post is the most scattered thing in the world. and mostly kind of dumb.

accurate description of my life lately, i suppose.

story of my life.

speaking of stories, i can't stop listening to this song.

it's true, i was made for you.

"you know the Greeks didn't write obituaries.

they only asked one question after a man died: did he have passion?"

Serendipity

i found my passion. one of them anyway. below is a story of mine. a story that started in romania. a story about my inspiration. a story that leads me and helps me see what my life needs to be. a story about a six-year-old boy. a boy named fred. (name changed for security reasons.)
it's a bit long, i know. so read on only if you dare.
but you should just know, this boy means more to me than anything in the world.
click here, or read more. (same difference.)

a&a

dear future hubby,

someday we're going to have a son. a son named albert.
we'll call him albie for short. (never under any circumstances will he be called al.)

someday we'll also have a daughter. a daughter named addie.
just addie. plain and simple and beautiful.

albie and addie.

i'd be perfectly okay with it if they were twins. how cute would that be??

why do i love these names? i just don't know. but i really adore them.
and maybe i just like the way both names look when hand-written.
i hope you do too. because i'm more than serious.

and okay, so we'll get over the fact that my associations with these names are kind of strange.
albert ingalls, from little house on the prairie, and addie, the mother, from as i lay dying.
details, really.
but how can you resist the thought of an albie and addie? among other little babes. i sure can't.

and maybe i wouldn't mind if he looked like thick and wavy-haired albert ingalls either.

like, really. who could resist that? adorable.

okay, here's the part where you make fun of me.

but seriously. to all of the above. this is serious business.

thanks in advance for understanding my need for a little boy named albert and little girl named addie.

lots of love,

emmie. [and the future albert and addie.]

somethin bout the springtime.

i've turned into one of those girls that sometimes just wants a salad.
what in the heck is this world coming to??
good thing i bought dunford donuts for our freshman reunion dessert night tonight.
i forgot how much i love dunford donuts until i saw them at the store. and was then obligated to buy them.
duh.

i'm like really super behind on blogging. like, seriously. it's out of control.

too bad that little sitch probably won't be rectified until after finals / the wedding.

oh wait. you forgot about the upcoming wedding??

i didn't. new dresses? please. my favorite thing ever, as we all know.

ironically enough i'm wearing pants today. say whaa?

that's all. i just ate salad. judge me. and lasagna. and a bagel. judge me some more.
sometimes i feel like my life revolves around food and dresses.
haaaaaaahahahahahahaha.

i was listening to a jb song on youtube earlier, and then one of the related videos was this.

confession, i kind of like it. how 'bout we let the judgments just keep on rolling?

except for the fact that i really have a hard time taking her seriously. haaaaa.

member how i get to move to ukraine? nope, still haven't gotten over it.

i did, however, find this lovely picture of chateau fontainebleau.

and it made me crave a summertime in france.

mmm, but yeah.

eastern europe still wins. i just love that place. i don't even know how to explain it. i just do.

for some inspiration, go here. you said it, gurll. word.
but seriously, that's exactly how i feel.
and i realize i've said that a trillion times already, but whatever. it's still lovely.

i love those kids with every piece of my soul.

and member how the one who gave me scars and scratches and bites and bruises

turned into one of my favorites? true story.

my little bobo.

i think this calls for a change in desktop picture on my laptop.

sure does.

image.

i've concluded that i'm going to have an identity crisis soon.

between america, france, romania, and ukraine.

(in that order)

not to mention whatever the future holds.

yep. identity crisis.

zile, cinci zile!

buna ziua, iasi.
alex is the man. robby is the man.
i love alex so much. he's the one who made me cry on my last day when i was almost holding it together.
and maybe he's just the greatest. yep.
the end.
click here.
yes i know most people won't be able to read this. a fact of which i'm very sorry.
google translate maybe?
the point is: rockin romania.
saving lives and leading lives one hilarious kid at a time.
more later, as per usual.