that kind of day.

this is the kind of day today is:

except without the tights today. obviously. or the dress. because it's lab day. (suuuper dumb.)

[above photos taken on this day.]

which could also be referred to as a kool-aid and cookie dough sort of day.

kinds sorta like this:

or this:

back in the days when i saw best friend every day. i miss the kool aid.

oh. and her.

ha ha. jokes. obviously. i hate being 40 miles away.

someone's in need of a desperate break. obviously. ope. SURPRISE. that would be me.

ha. another joke. it's quite obvious.

here comes the sun, doo doo doo doooo.

here comes the sun. and i say. it's alright.

the beatles were on to something there.

the chain.

this past sunday's chain of love:

[nevermind the fact that it was a divine distraction from the rs lesson..]

your tongue shall be loosed. i will open the hearts of the people, and they will receive you. i am with you. d&c 31: 3,6-8,11-13.

cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made. rejoice! d&c 25:13.

open thy mouth. declare with rejoicing. d&c 28:16.

devote all thy service. in this thou shalt have strength. be patient in afflictions and endure them--i am with thee unto the end of thy days. at all times, and in all places declare my gospel. and i will give unto [her] strength such as is not known among men. d&c 24:7-8,12.

a physical body is also essential for exaltation, which comes only in the perfect combination of the physical and the spiritual, as we see in our beloved, resurrected Lord. in this fallen world, some lives will be painfully brief; some bodies will be malformed, broken, or barely adequate to maintain life; yet life will be long enough for each spirit, and each body will qualify for resurrection. d.todd christofferson, reflections on a consecrated life.

go ye therefore and teach all nations. i am with you always, even unto the end of the world. matthew 28:19-20.

i'm falling in love with these chains of mine that i'm discovering.

this one was jam packed with perfection.

[my previously found string here.]

don't you know? can't you see?

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original; whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed.

CS Lewis

this is worth reading. i think everyone is beautiful. more than beautiful, really. just saying. if you don't think so, come talk to me. and i'll convince you otherwise. if i don't know you, i'll get to know you. and even without knowing you, i can tell you how beautiful you are. or maybe you know you're beautiful, but don't really feel like it right now. in which case, i'll gladly give you a list of reasons why you're beautiful and should perk right up. yes, you. even you the person thinking 'no i'm not.' i'm 100 percent serious. that's all. love, emily.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.

Audrey Hepburn

i'm in a very 'i want to make a difference' sort of mood.

popsicles and muffins.

sometimes la's texts and mine go a little something like this.

or word for word like this. it's practically the same. whichever floats your fancy.

la: i'm like a popsicle....ahhhhhhhhh
em: i just put lemon flavored lotion on. so i'd say that makes me a lemon popsicle. despite being in the human oven building. i should be a lemon poppyseed muffin right now. this is how they are failing. what flavor are you?
la: bahaha...oh my. i have no flavor. some people aren't as special.
em: well that's sad. what a no fun life.
la: i know, right?

don't worry. it was followed by a much deeper conversation. though i'm not really sure how we pulled that off based on what we were up against in following this great one.
emla could rule the world. and we would give out popsicles and muffins.
hahahahahahahahaha. we're so funny. a day is not complete without laursy texts.

:)

distractions-a quick list of possibilities.

.distractions always heighten near the end of the semester when you should be studying for finals. am i the only one who suffers from this? doubtful.

.i met claira's famed brother yesterday. he is such a gale. sammy g. classic. i love them gales.

.time spent in claira and brooke's apartment yesterday? hilarious.

.i'm kind of really excited about life. there are so many exciting things in the next few months! namely, oh hey, i'll be spending the summer in ROMANIA! jealous? i would be. i'm almost jealous of myself.

.theatre people are funny. don't believe me? you should have visited my living room tonight between 7 and 10:30. serious.

.i got a personal shout out in sister sara ence's email today. winnnn.

.i get to see best friend this weekend! i love conference weekend.

.i spent the weekend and part of today with the family since the parkinsons were visiting. i totally loved it. but it shot my academic pursuits. ha. family is so great.

.shout out: michael david will be at the y in the fall. who's excited? we are!

.my voice sounds kind of like a chain smoker. or a 14 year old boy. nice and crackly. and ridiculous. especially when i first wake up or am going to bed. it's super cute.

.i'm a nerd.

.i'm excited.

.i'm getting (super) nervous about romania.

.i'm still so excited.

.thanks to the good old airline lufthansa and their changes, i now have a six and a half hour layover in denver on may 8th. not so stoked about that. i hope denver's airport is cooler than most. let's be honest. probably not.

.my brothers are funny.

.i love sherry a lot. we're going to party together while doug's in peru before i leave for romania.

.i will be (hopefully) done with finals three weeks from now. scary? tell me about it.

.i love jennifer anne marie mckay. she made my life this weekend.

.my bread molded. i feel like my food molds faster than my roommates' food. dumb.

.DISTRACTION.

.spring, stop playing these jokes on me. i am not amused.

.my to do list of things to do before leaving the country? death slash attempts at focusing start now. ok, so let's be honest. really they start tomorrow morning. i'm exhausted.

noapte buna, prietenii mei!

bonne nuit, mes amis!

(le francais me manque beaucoup récemment.)

this was probably the most pointless post ever.

but i'm too bursting with excitement not to let it out somewhere.

and this was the winner.

obviously.

true service

"helping, fixing, and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. when you help, you see life as weak. when you fix, you see life as broken. when you serve, you see life as whole. fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul...from the perspective of service, we are all connected: all suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. the impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing.
serving is different from helping. helping is not a relationship between equals. a helper may see others as weaker than they are, needier than they are, and people often feel this inequality. the danger in helping as that we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them...when we help, we become aware of our own strength. but when we serve, we don't serve with our strength; we serve with ourselves, and we draw from all of our experiences. our limitations serve; our wounds serve; even our darkness can serve. my pain is the source of my compassion; my woundedness is the key to my empathy.
...what is most professional is not always what best serves and strengthens the wholeness in others. fixing and helping create a distance between people, an experience of difference. we cannot serve at a distance. we can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. fixing and helping are strategies to repair life. we serve life not because it is broken, but because it is holy.
serving requires us to know that our humanity is more powerful than our expertise.
...only service heals.
service is not an experience of strength or expertise; service is an experience of mystery, surrender and awe. helpers and fixers feel causal. servers may experience from time to time a sense of being used by larger unknown forces. those who serve have traded a sense of mastery for an experience of mystery, and in doing so have transformed their work and their lives into practice."

rachel naomi remen

as thy days may demand.

"We have been taught in the scriptures that the personal worthiness required of us by the Lord to enter the temple and to take upon us the sacred covenants therein is one of the greatest blessings available to us in mortality. Then, after taking upon us the covenants in the temple, our obedience in living the covenants daily is a demonstration of our faith, love, devotion, and spiritual commitment to honor our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ and prepares us to live with Them in the eternities. The temple’s saving ordinances are essential to—and even the central focus of—the eternal plan of happiness."


Robert D. Hales, Temple Blessings

thanks for sending this to me, dougy.

it just hit the spot.

rock waffles

number four.

attempt--chocolate chip pancakes.

reality--turned into chocolate chip waffles.

and a few forgotten ones that turned into rocks instead.

this is what cooking looks like. aka dishes.

followed by the actual food.

and then we eat!

sarah joined us.

followed by nick.

so maybe we got to eating. and steve forgot about waffles still cooking.

and this sweet rock of a waffle was the result. my unnatural faces are free of charge.

sarah played photographer.

she's taller than me. obviously.

we so cute.

i wrote a to-do list. it was depressing.

using steve for his scanner.

our african home.

cool. so most people reading this are probably wondering what they've been doing with their life that they've descended to reading and looking at pictures of me and steve. we're obviously that cool. ok, so i don't really understand why you are. then again maybe i'm just making things up and no one reads this. or cares. i wouldn't blame you. we're so cool. ok, so now i'm feeling all time lame. whatevs. we have fun. and that's all that matters.

number four--check marks the spot.

i'm going to have crow's feet by the time i'm 25.

it was kind of bright outside today.
based on how much squinting and laughing i do in my life,

i'm going to look like a prune when i'm old.

and i'm going to look old when i'm not even 30.

i'm talking serious wrinkles, people.

super cool.

oh well.

today was a dream anyway.

this is just a teaser of all the great photos representative of the beauty.

obviously, the best is yet to come. because this is the only photo of me.

haaahahaha.

today was a fairytale.

sans the boy the tswift song would imply.

i have fairytale days without boys.

it works out nicely.

i've got almost twenty years experience to back me up on that one.

i wore a dress.
it's 11:11.

call me girl

maybe i'm like 13 years old.

in fact, i'm starting to think i really am.

but i've listened to this fifty kajillion times in the past three days.

literally.

fifty kajillion is a real number. ope, it's about to end. make that fifty kajillion and one.

yeah. sue me?

i liiiiikeeee it.

this is called regression.

i was super cool when i was 13. ok, so this is compensation for missing out on being cool at 13.

ok, so that argument doesn't work either. whatevs.

i, personally, loved jr.high. it was high school that was slightly (a lot) lamer for the most part. socially, that is.

anyway. that's a complete side note.

point is, i rrrreeaaaallllyyyy lilililiikkeee it.

[drawn out words for emphasis. naturally.]

could someone else please tell me they like it too? make me feel better?

ohh happily ever after.
skip to the ending. who'd like to know?
we all have a story to tell.

mr. blue sky.

want an instant happiness and joy rejuvenator?
listen to this. or maybe this.
[watching the second song's video will make you happier than a clam. and wish you were five
 and inspire you to watch mr.magorium's wonder emporium today. or maybe that's just me? i think i will. happiness.]
too bad mr.blue sky is a little shy today. he's only letting half of himself show. too bad.
either way, blue skies are smiling at me. nothing but blue skies do i see.

you better believe my motto for romania has to do with happiness. well, smiles. but smiles are happiness.
life is happiness.

welcome, spring.

stop and stay awhile.

and maybe get a little springier.

just a thought.

image here.

do you ever have those days that you wished you had stayed up all night studying?

but knew you couldn't stay awake?

hate that.

thanks to last weeks speaker in my romania prep class, i might have found the title for my blog of recording memories. and it's so good. and by might, i mean i did. and by did, i mean i may or may not have already created it. but have yet to embellish. all i did was steal the domain name. haaha. it's a start. stay posted. so excited.

i think i've decided what i want my mini-research topic for my time in romania to be. so excited.

i love romania. but the write-ups up the wazoo for everything i do there and that i am doing now might possibly kill me. aka, they pretty much are.

there's something wrong when i realize that i prefer anatomy lab to lecture. oopsay. the tides have turned. this may or may not be partially due to the fact that i have to take a midterm today that i'm very not ready for. but i also have less motivation to study for lecture than lab. it's ridiculous.

patruzeci şi opt de zile.

coping time. but seriously. you know who you are. kind of. this year will be a big adventure in lots of ways.

i saw the king's speech last friday. PHENOMENAL. i'm literally speechless. it's SO SO good. i'm obsessed. i want to watch it again and again and again. and i don't even feel guilty. so if you want to guilt trip me about the fact that it's rated r, don't try. it won't work. i don't trust anything about the current rating system. and use my own personal judgment. and especially after seeing it, personally i don't think it should be rated r based on how the way movies should be rated based on their content. it was absolutely incredible. though i do admit i'm biased because it completely and totally revolves around my personal area of interest. but sarah said the same thing about it. absolutely phenomenal. we both would have turned around and gone to it again if there were another showing after ours. and yes, i do plan on buying it. and watching it over and over again. and the soundtrack. buying and listening over and over again. i maybe just pre-ordered the dvd. maybe did.

i spent all day saturday looking like this:

(photo to prove to the world that i do actually study and do homework. i just don't always talk about it. that's boring.)

aka, sarah ann and i recreated a library setting in our apartment. because we didn't want to actually go to the library. we're lazy. sue us. it was such a solid study way-too-many-hours-at-the-kitchen-table session. and my ipod even played along by doing a good job on shuffle. no shuffle fail this day. precluded by st-em breakfast date and jen-em french date. and followed by the byu basketball game (wahoo!) that i may or may not have accidentally slept through. and watching life is beautiful. [note to self: don't go into a movie knowing nothing about it. especially when it turns out to be a movie that drastically changes tone halfway through but seems super cute at the beginning. not a good idea. the crying gave me a headache. darn movie. on another note, i want to learn italian someday. why not add another language to the list?]

despite popular belief based on any pictures or personal interaction you have with me, i do my hair sometimes. ok, so maybe it's only like once a month. or less. this month's was friday night. and therefore this picture is my air-dried-after-the-temple look. it works. ha. kind of. oh well. on the bright side, it was less than 24 hours since it had been washed! that's a big step. and i may or may not have washed it since friday. may or may not, mind you. it could go either way. just sayin.

the parkinsons are coming this weekend. i may or may not be super excited. ok, so i am. this means family gathering. i love family gatherings. oh, and deb and i are kind of soul mates. slash the same person. hence even more love.

cool. welp. about that anatomy midterm. we all know what i'll be doing for the rest of the day. i want my free home-cooked meal and be-in-a-real-home-for-awhile from bro.crawford's house for fhe tonight. therefore, i have to walk into the testing center by 2:30. ish. crap. ready, set, cram.

we all have a story to tell.

a few personal notes from two different weeks.
one set encouraged by a homecoming and other related thoughts. another from talks about happiness.

during the sacrament at will's homecoming, i read through/said to myself because it's memorized by now the words to reverently and meekly now as i do every sunday. and then suddenly my mind focused on a few things that had been/still are on my mind. and starting with one of my favorite scriptures, i found this string of scriptures that now means more to me than i can adequately express. and they spoke to me personally as if the voice of god straight to my soul in that moment and every time i've read them since then. it was a tender moment, to say the least. as if i had transcended that chapel, if only for a moment. followed by a musical number of i know that my redeemer lives. dry eyes? not a chance.

there is no fear in love, for perfect love casteth out fear. 1 john 4:18.
fear thou not, i am with thee. i will strengthen thee and help thee. i will uphold thee with my righteousness. isaiah 41:10.
[she] that followeth after righteousness findeth life. proverbs 21:21.
unto thee, o lord, do i lift up my soul. my god, i trust in thee: let me not be ashamed. show me thy ways, o lord. teach me thy path. psalms 25:1-2,4.
my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed. isaiah 54:10.
let [her] trust in me and [she] shall not be confounded. a hair of [her] head shall not fall to the ground unnoticed. d&c 84:116.

"faith is the power, love is the motive,

the spirit is the key, christ is the reason."

happiness talks:

"happiness is the object & design of our existence." joseph smith.

that inner peace seems illusive when our lives are preoccupied.

"life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." gordon b. hinckley.

life, existence, and everything about living at their very core are absolutely beautiful.

stunning, really.

everything is so in control. we just can't see it all yet.

we are so blessed.

i wish i was more eloquent.

or could say more without being openly obvious or too personal.

[i realize this is me saying that..ha.]

but seriously. i try to maintain some level of mystery about my soul.

and i do realize i'm completely failing.

ahh well. c'est la vie.

who wants to have a big long deep conversation about life and how beautiful it is with me?

then i'll give you all my reasons for everything.

those are the best kinds of conversations.

the deep, talk about life at its core, everything is included chats.

i love them.

someone please take me up on this. it's been way too long since i've had one.

i love my existence. my being. my own self. my life.

it's probably ridiculous how much i genuinely love who i am and my own divine life plan.

but i really do.

i haven't always, but ohh, how i do.

everyone should.

love their own being, that is.

which is something i could give a big long speech about in and of itself.

[this post here does an awfully nice job. i love everything about it. and maybe love that hm song. don't judge.]

don't be afraid to be all that you are.

don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong enough.

don't give up, there's nothing with just being yourself.

that's more than enough.

i realize i'm kind of really weird.

i have some super duper peculiar characteristics.

i was never the popular girl.

i probably (definitely) never will be.

but i'm me.

and i love all those weird characteristics.

even if other people find them repulsive.

personally, i quite like them.

mostly because they are the very things that make me, well, me.

and i know that there are those who do, in fact appreciate and love me for exactly who i am.

no questions asked about the quirks.

no thought about social status or over-awkwardness.

maybe a little (lot of) teasing, but no questions or repulsion.

just love.

so why worry about the people that don't like me or my characteristics?

my life has its own plan, and many great adventures in store. and i'm beyond excited to see it all unfold.

i'm going to do great things. or i hope to, anyways.

on a personal level. not necessarily a big one.

the world is changed, not all at once. but one person at a time. individual by individual.

my long-winded point:

life is beautiful.

and full of

so much goodness.

what's not to love about that?

simple, sweet, and constant

"we should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. the simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

david a. bednar, the tender mercies of the lord

my five--music edition.

i have a few philosophies about music. five specifics, to be exact.

first, there is nothing better than that moment you find a new song or artist. you know what i'm talking about. nothing beats a new music find. nothing. one that speaks straight to your soul. or defines life for you. or just makes you feel good. new loves come in all forms.

two, every piece of music should be given equal opportunity and attention. to every song or artist, there is someone that really does love it. maybe even someone who would call it their favorite. therefore, when presented with a new song recommendation, you must never just listen once and decide you hate it. you must listen to a new song as if you already do love it. as if you're looking to describe why someone should love it, even if you think you don't. if you've listened with an open mind a few times and still don't like it? by all means, never listen to it again. everyone may have their own opinion. what is important, is that everything is given equal opportunity. there are so many songs that i would have blinded myself to had i had relied on my initial first-listening impression.

three, there will be songs that you'll fall in love with at first-listen. first few seconds, really. and it is in those moments that you experience one of the most beautiful things in all the world. for that is true art. something capable of moving you on first impression? magical, really. it's a magical moment.

four, my fell-in-love-on-first-listen songs may not be the same as yours. which is fine. differences of opinion are what make life beautiful. music is powerful. and with that power, can make you feel things and have impressions that you might not otherwise be able to ever experience through any other medium. and in that power, we all have different experiences and feelings that drive different presentations of music to have a differing effects on each and every one of us. something that moves me to tears, may not move you at all. and that's just the way it is. every experience influences your perception.

five, too much music is never given the proper opportunity for success that it deserves. but then again, i'm constantly amazed by not only the sheer amount of music in the universe, but also the incredible diversity to be found, even in the most seemingly similar of pieces.

go forth and practice with care. and an open mind/heart.

there is nothing worse than ignorance or unfounded arrogance.

défense et illustration de [mon frère].

(if you caught the reference in that you're my new best friend.)

once upon a time there was a girl named emily with a brother named steven.

they're pretty cool, i guess.

so.

once upon a time (yesterday) emily hit the climax day of her last heck week of the semester before finals start.

and took a test all about the anatomy & physiology of the inner ear.

and ACEDDD it.

i know, i know.

everyone in the world is really excited about it.

and by everyone in the world, i mostly just mean her.

because she was studying so hard for this test, she found herself having barely glanced at the material for this week's anatomy quiz. until 3 hours before the quiz itself. aka as soon as romanian ended. oopsay.

but, she studied like a madman, and felt pretty darn decent about this little quiz.

and then she took the quiz.

and then the ta's went over the answers right after it ended.

and emily got the tricky pin that almost everyone in the class couldn't figure out.

booom baby!

at first she guessed hepatic portal vein.

because it was tricky, and that was the best she could think of.

but after going through everything else, she went back and stared for a bit at that pin.

and went through alllll the possibilities in that region that it could be.

and then changed her answer at the last second as she turned in that quiz.

superior mesenteric vein.

ohhh yeah.

now, dear reader,

(if you caught this reference, you can be my other new best friend. apparently i'm in the market for one? this post sure makes it sound like it. hahaaa.)

you may be thinking this is silly and insignificant.

and to the untrained reader, it may seem that way.

but for emily, this was a very big deal.

she never gets the,

'we want to make your life miserable and will therefore pin this dumb thing in the trickiest most obscure possible way' pins.

pretty much ever. never ever.

last name nevers. it fits.

so beyond acing her hearing science exam, she LITERALLY aced her anatomy quiz.

10/10.

ummmm. the last time she got 10/10 was on the lab safety quiz. that was open note. yeah.

for pretty much everyone who takes anatomy,

10/10's are few and far between.

and she probably should have gotten 9.5 because she forgot to write 'gland' after parathyroid. oops.

and so, dear reader. this is why it is a very big deal.

she might have been freaking out a little (lot) about it.

and, as usual, was reminded again about how much she's in love with her major.

because she aces all her major tests.

it's the dumb stupid things that aren't so great.

annyywayyyssss.

it's sad how good or bad a grade can make you feel when school is your entire life.

just plain sadddd.

and with this beyond exciting day,

emily's mother encouraged her to celebrate!

celebrate. what's that? it took her some time to think of something.

and then emily called brother steven. and made sure he wasn't doing anything productive.

well, he was. but that's ok.

so they went to the store and bought ice cream, oreos, and milk. for homemade shakes, of course!

mmmmm.

ice cream [half? gallon]--$3.99

milk [gallon]--$2.18

oreos--$3.18

{total rip off. but emily was craving oreos. and oreos in shakes are delish.}

excitement levels + the expression on steven's roommate's face when emily came to pick steve up with uncontainable excitement?
PRICELESS.

then they made shakes.

and watched modern family together.

which is a newly introduced thing for emily.

she likes it.

they laughed. a lot.

sooooooo funny.

this probably seems like a stupid story.

and now that i re-read it all, it is a stupid story.

but there is a moral to this story.

(mom would be so proud. finding moral lessons.)

and the moral is this:

at the store, they decided to split it.

with a total just over 9 dollars, the best way to split is the milk&oreos together, ice cream loner.

so brother chose to take the milk&oreos.

which is the more expensive option.

[dollars are a big deal in college, okay?]

and then he was sincerely excited for her doing so well.

well, as sincere as steven gets, at least.

siblings are heavenly father's greatest gift to the universe.

i feel bad kids that have to ride solo. aka no siblings.

s&e laughed about the poor girl that will end up marrying steve.

because. well. he's just kind of peculiar.

and that's who he is.

his roommates are starting to get it.

and they laugh.

but in my opinion,

despite the fact that he's kind of psycho,

i think she'll be one of the luckiest girls in the world.

behind all his 'ruff-and-scruff, the world is full of morons' attitude,

he's the kindest soul you'll ever meet.

in the sly, unannounced way.

in a 'help everyone out no matter what' kind of way.

which is the very best kind.

i don't have a picture of our shakes. or our excitement.

just our cute selves.

my siblings are better than your siblings.

yeah. i just said it.

[beware. photo nostalgia. i went cah-razy.]

he was in 11th grade. going to winter formal. i was in 9th grade. not going to winter formal.

do you like our braces? we do.

this is probably my favorite picture of him ever. he's a charmer.

blackmail? ohhh yeah.

and still a charmer a year later. how does he do it?

commence 2 year leave of absence.

and now that he's been home a year and a half..here we are.

a picture with doug for good measure. we love d&s too. we just don't see them very often. super sad.

and i don't have a picture of all 4 of us. also sad.

the point is, siblings are the best.

families are a funny thing.

a group of people that you are forever connected to.

a group that you are forever a part of.

a group you can forever turn to.

a group that will forever know you in a way no one else ever can.

"To the outside world we all grow old. 

But not to brothers and sisters.

We know each other as we always were."

clara ortega

"Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits,

have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply."

jane austen

and i just looked through wayyyy too many old pictures.

and decided that i don't really know what i look like.

have you ever thought about what you look like from the perception of the universe?

yeah, i don't know. i just have some super great pictures collected that definitely portray how cute i am.

those are the ones no one gets to see.

haaaahahahaha.

and one more for good measure:

i just said that. dang. for more good measure.

yes, the bow is probably bigger than my head.

we're so cute. i can't even stand it.

i used to want a sister. so bad.
little did i realize, what i got was SO much better.
(you know. after looking past the perennial teasing.)

[want to see more cute photos of us? be honest. who wouldn't?

go here, here, or over here is the biggest collection of digitized old photos i have.]

a few quotes that could change [your] life.

A person isn't who they are during the last conversation

you had with them - they're who they've been

throughout your whole relationship.

Rainer Marie Rilke

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves

like locked rooms and like books

that are written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will find them gradually,

without noticing it,

and live along some distant day into the answer. 

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

reasons why i should be crying right now. but am surprisingly jolly instead.

i am a resident of crabapple cove.

sarah kept sending me texts that made me laugh. out loud. in public. which gets embarrassing after awhile.

my headband snapped (very) soon after leaving my apartment this morning. and i could not get ahold of any a bobby pin, despite my creative attempts. this is called a hair  DISASTER. disaster isn't even a strong  enough word for it. and then even after aislynn had a bobbypin, i walked home in strong wind. enter disaster #2. when i walked in the door, sarah just burst into laughter when she saw me. nothing else, just laughter. i know, right?

i was the awkward one with no group during that awkward moment at the end of romanian today we were given to put ourselves in groups. don't pretend you don't know what i mean. that awkward moment when you're left to your own devices and it's just like being in a line picking teams in elementary school again. i know.

lauren doesn't talk to me very much anymore. we have communication issues. obviously.

i think people think i'm weird. like, i know i'm weird. but i think i'm just more aware of it lately. like, i'm suuuper duper weird. it's a hard knock life.

i went with kaitlin to brick oven to use my giftcard. and while there, started laughing. when lemonade was in my mouth. thereby blocking my ability to breathe. yeah, use your imagination from there. humiliating.

my umbrella broke. despite the fact that it's pouring rain outside. i repeat, POURING.

i'm a girl. i'll leave that at that. not ideal.

i have an exam to take tomorrow. that i probably won't fail. quite. and an anatomy quiz that i probably will. maybe. i hate this week.

i think my breain needs a break. i just spelled brain wrong. I KNOW.

finals start one month from today. crap.

and yet i'm in a surprisingly good mood. go figure. good thing. otherwise i'd be crying, i think.

today stinks.

thoughts of late.

some recent thoughts that have flitted across my mind in the last few days:

-- i love my major. but my classes, regardless of how much i love them, need to be over soon. or i at least need a break from them. seeing as we don't get a break, i'll take the over option.
-- i leave in 53 days. and quite frankly, at this point, i just really need to go.
-- there is no crueler or sadder disease than alzheimer's/dementia in general. for the patient and the loved ones.
-- i want to make everyone in the world watch temple grandin. incredible.
-- as of late, i can't stop listening to 'the finish line' by train. "when we learn how to fly, we forget how to fall. here we are." it's so sad, but captivating. that's all.
-- what's my problem? i could win an award for how much i've dropped the ball lately. this is not me. i don't even understand. my brain has apparently shut down. reboot, reboot, reboot, please?
-- i have 2 exams and 1 quiz that's practically an exam. all before next monday night. two of which before the end of tomorrow night. i love life.
-- i've been a resident of crabapple cove lately. i'm not a crabby person. usually. i'm working on it.
-- did i really agree to what i agreed to? apparently. oh dear.
-- there is no thought or feeling in this world worse than the moment you realize you are replaceable.
-- i temporarily uncrabbified (yes, i know that's not a word. just roll with it.) last night. and laughed a lot. slash giggled. floats my fancy.
-- why is it that whenever i see a fellow i could slightly fancy, is when i look the most disgusting? story of my life. oh, well. it's nice warning for whoever i marry. considering that the "greasy/gross mind of its own hair thing" is most days of my life.
-- crawling in a hole for an extended period of time would be ideal right now. is it too much to ask for a little bit of shut eye? apparently so.
-- ............................yeah.
-- i miss being little. i miss the moments my entire family would be sitting around our round table laughing. all of us. and then me spitting water out from laughing. or doug spilling water towards me. and then some more laughter. i miss that. way back when. when i was way younger. give or take.
-- i couldn't do it permanently. but often i'm jealous of people still living at home. life is so much easier that way.
-- romania will be a dream. i can already tell that our group is going to be great. and we will become tight(er). like sprite, duh.
-- in some ways, romania feels like an opportunity to run away. a breather for awhile. i'll take it. i think that's part of what's so enticing. being completely isolated with just a few people. away from the daily hub-ub here.
-- i have a class in 11 minutes. that is a review. that i need to go to. but don't want to.
-- breathe. just breathe. why must this week be so ridiculous? then again it's not any more ridiculous than many other weeks this semester. maybe now that it's the last exam week i have i'm just more weary of it all.
-- bleehehhhhhhhh.
-- i'll be fine, this time. i'll be fine, whoahhohhh. song ending. that's my cue.

yeah.

some other beginning's end

“Heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen.

A quest may not simply be abandoned;

unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever;

a happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.”

Peter S. Beagle

this says it all.

  

Fear thou not; for I am with thee:
be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;
yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

isaiah 41:10

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

how firm a foundation, hymn 85

do you wear a hard hat?

you know that:

nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates-me-guess-i'll-eat-some-worms feeling?

like the whole world is moving, and i'm going the other direction.

i have a serious case of it.

tonight's solution:

watching

must love dogs.

followed by

you've got mail.

c'est la vie.

"she did not see my a game."

"sounds like she didn't see your b or c game either."

i'm obsessed with chick flicks.

i'm so weird.

that's all.

oh, and i'm in love with john cusack.