saying yes.

[disclaimer: hopelessly hopeful romantic am i. second disclaimer to my father: no freaking out. chill pill and deep breaths.]

i've been thinking about love a lot lately. (i'm a girl. sue me.) i love chick flicks. almost unhealthily, perhaps. but i think it's perfectly healthy. i love cute songs. i love things that make me feel giddy and love-struck. sarah and i were talking the other night and she said, "that's your boy smile." and we all know how i feel about you've got mail. bringing a huge bundle of daisies? ahhh. love. i prefer sunflowers, but daisies are number two, and therefore acceptable.
i have this weird, probably unfounded fear of suddenly being in a relationship and being proposed to by someone i'm not completely and totally enamored with. someone that i completely adore and love with every piece of my soul. someone that i find as the most attractive man in the universe. to me, at least. but instead that i'll like him, and he'll be an enormously nice guy. exceptional, you could say. but for me, it's just not love. when we were talking about such things recently, i remember kaitlin saying, "well, you still have to say yes."
i'd have to say yes. i have a choice. i don't have to date or marry someone i don't want to. he'd still be an incredible guy, regardless of whether or not i'm completely enamored with him. there's a man out there somewhere right now that's just for me. and we have been shaped and molded by our own lives and experiences until one day, our paths will be intricately woven towards each other, until they cross, and then eventually become one for the rest of forever. i realize this idea of one person meant for me, a 'soul mate', if you will, is slightly controversial. being meant for each other. but for me, this is my story. he will have a tender heart, and will love the lord. our lives will be filled with sunny days and happiness, even on the occasional rainy days. we'll be a perfect match. a complement to one another. a completion, though both of us will be giving an equal 100 percent as parts of a third. me, him, and god, you see. we'll all work together, day by day, moment by moment, to ensure the happiness and joy of the other. we'll have beautiful children, and always be working together in every little thing as equal partners. the little or big things won't get us down, but we'll just negotiate and work through things together. differences of opinion and all.
any intelligent couple ought to have some sort of differences of opinion by default of differing backgrounds and ways in which they were raised. to imagine a world with no differences of opinion would be boring and without life or luster, lacking complex thoughts and feelings. we'll have differences of opinion that will make our relationship stronger. we'll negotiate. give and take, if you will.
marriage is about a lot more than love and a wedding day. don't get me wrong, i want a blissfully classy, elegant, and beautiful wedding day. but a beautiful wedding does not a beautiful marriage make. it will take work, negotiations and agreements of ideas. the day to day aspects of life enter and we'll learn to work together, lifting one another when the other is down. helping in hard times.
we'll love each other's families. they'll be like one big family. he'll understand that it's important to me that my siblings [brothers, sister-in-law, and honorary sister (lauren)] approve of him. because it is their opinions that mean the most to me on this earth. and they have good judgment in these things. i'm sure he'll pass, though. of course. he'll be wise. and get along with them all easily. especially my brothers. he'll join them in their silly conversations about a lot of everything, and be like sherry--a natural part of the family.
most of all, above all the pragmatics, we will love one another. when he speaks, i'll see the love in his eyes. the love in his whole being. that is reserved for me. given to me. when other people ask him about me when i'm not there, he'll squirm a little and you'll see by the way he talks about me how much he adores me. and vice versa, for i would do the same for him. this will be an equal partnership. complementarily equal is what we shall be.
he'll know me better than anyone else. he'll understand my history with violin, and the pain and joy that it is. the way my brain so often functions musically. he'll recognize my odd personality characteristics, especially in varying social situations. and he'll be ok with it. i'll face it, he might not know french. but he'll be ok with my fixation and obsession. he'll know my secrets. my hopes and fears, some more personal and secret than others. my past. my scars. and he will understand and love me through my hesitations and worries. and in it all, he will be there by my side. as my true companion.

"i confess you are the best thing in my life.

if it's love and we decide that it's forever, no one else could do it better." --train

"je ferais n'importe quoi si tu me le demandais."

--josh groban/edith piaf

"now you're my whole life. now you're my whole world.

and i just can't believe the way i feel about you, girl.

we'll look back someday at this moment that we're in,

and i'll look at you and say, 'i thought i loved you then.'"

--brad paisley

"looking in your eyes, seeing all I need. everything you are is everything to me.

these are the moments i know heaven must exist. these are the moments i know all i need is this.

i've found all i waited for, and i could not ask for more."

--sara evans

"i'm keeping you forever and for always. we will be together all of our days.

wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face. always.

in your eyes i can still see the look of the one who really loves me.

the one who wouldn't put anything else in the world above me.

i can still see love for me in your eyes."

--shania twain

"in the end i want to be standing at the beginning with you."

--richard marx

"i need someone who understands. i need someone, someone who hears.

for you i've waited all these years. for you i'd wait 'til kingdom come."

--coldplay

"so here i am staring at the moon tonight, wondering how you look in this light.

maybe you're somewhere thinkin' about me too.

to be with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do."

--david archuleta

"i was thinking about you. i drew a little picture, but some things you can't put on paper. 

[he's] anything but typical, a sweet surprise. no matter what, [he's] looking at the bright side.

it's gonna be worth it, cause that's what love is. i'll keep searching for my kind of perfect"

--david archuleta

"so go ahead and ask her for happy ever after. why not take a chance on loving?"

--chris rice

"be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse i love you.

go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense.

never let your praying knees get lazy. and love like crazy"

--lee brice

"you learn my secrets and you figure out why i'm guarded.

you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes.

[you'll say] 'i fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.

she is the best thing that's ever been MINE."

--taylor swift

"today was a fairytale. i wore a dress, you wore a dark grey t-shirt."

--taylor swift

for this will be my love story. someday. when the timing is just right. no sooner, no later.
i'm sure excited for a new best friend, wouldn't you be? anyone should be jealous of my love story. it will be perfect. everyday will be a fairytale.


p.s. dear future hubby,
salt lake temple. i'll see you there.
i'm looking at the moon. are you? i hope so.
love, your very own ems.

pleasing

"And again I would exhort you that ye would come unto Christ, and lay hold upon every good gift, and touch not the evil gift, nor the unclean thing.
And awake, and arise from the dust, O Jerusalem; yea, and put on thy beautiful garments, O daughter of Zion; and strengthen thy stakes and enlarge thy borders forever, that thou mayest no more be confounded, that the covenants of the Eternal Father which he hath made unto thee, O house of Israel, may be fulfilled.
Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.
And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.
And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen.”

moroni 10:30-34

“And how merciful is our God unto us, for he remembereth the house of Israel…and he stretches forth his hands unto them all the day long…Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of the day, harden not your hearts.
Yea, today, if ye will hear his voice...for why will ye die?
For behold, after ye have been nourished by the good word of God all the day long, will ye bring forth evil fruit, that ye must be hewn down and cast into the fire?
Behold, will ye reject these words? Will ye reject the words of the prophets; and will ye reject all the words which have been spoken concerning Christ, after so many have spoken concerning him; and deny the good word of Christ, and the power of God, and the gift of the Holy Ghost, and quench the Holy Spirit, and make a mock of the great plan of redemption, which hath been laid for you?
Know ye not that if ye will do these things, that the power of the redemption and the resurrection, which is in Christ, will bring you to stand with shame and awful guilt before the bar of God?
And according to the power of justice, for justice cannot be denied, ye must go away into that lake of fire and brimstone, whose flames are unquenchable, and whose smoke ascendeth up forever and ever, which lake of fire and brimstone is endless torment.
O then, my beloved brethren, repent ye, and enter in at the strait gate, and continue in the way which is narrow, until ye shall obtain eternal life.
O be wise; what can I say more?
Finally, I bid you farewell, until I shall meet you before the pleasing bar of God, which bar striketh the wicked with awful dread and fear. Amen.

jacob 6:4-13

pleasing gifts fulfilled.

so close to feeling the love.

i'm watching enchanted right now with steven.

i forgot how much i love this movie.

ahhh. so cute.

and i saw while you were sleeping for the first time last night.

ummm where have i been all my life? cutest movie in the history of ever.

also, i love jon mclaughlin's voice.

in other news, my facebook status tells all:

as do the following pictures, because we are cute. i think we are, at least.

admit it. you know we are. whoever you are.

dear laur,

why are you not going to byu and my roommate? just a thought for you to ponder.

also, we're going to start working on your communication skills.

i don't like barely speaking to you unless it's in person. because that doesn't happen often enough.

another thought to ponder.

oh, and i love you. durr. you already knew that.

oh, and i promise i'll reply to your email slash write you an email soon. you know what i mean. i'm thinking tomorrow is when it will happen.

oh, and ummm 34 (almost 33) days? what? mmm. yeah.

love, ems.

p.s. i look weird in that last picture. i can't figure out what it is about it that looks weird. i'll get back to you. fluffy dress, maybe? i always wear fluffy dresses. or dresses, at least. hmmm. oh, and i need to get my hair trimmed. i hate haircuts. dangitall.

good morning, sun. i am a bird.

world. i am a bird. or a fox. i just went running. let me restate that.

i just went running.

this is a big deal for me. it doesn't happen often.

it's one of those things that is so hard to start, but once you do you feel like running more.

but then once you stop. so hard to get in the habit again.

secrets:

i slightly enjoyed it.

i know. feel free to freak out. this is a big deal for me.

a very big deal.

though now that i've cooled off, my lungs are definitely paying the price.

it wasn't all that cold. but oyyy the air quality is awful. combine that with the slight chill? oyy.

we're going to have roommate bonding going running again sometime soon.

but of course we'll make sure tianne can join us.

truth:

i can't even wait to go running with her. because she'll totally be all perky and motivational.

i love tianne.

essentially, i just love all my roommates.

sarah, kaitlin, and me are turning pro.

also, provo is such a cute place. i spent the summer walking these same streets thinking to myself how cute all the houses are. and then i revisited a bunch while running past them tonight.

i realized i definitely need to work on mastering a playlist that is more running friendly.

this one, though incredible, is more geared towards biking. ha ha. geared. pun unintentional.

and so, stalkers of my blog.

[i know you're out there. don't deny it. acceptance is the first step.]

i am requesting. no. demanding suggestions for the best running songs.

even if i don't even know you. or you don't even know me.

[besides the fact that i completely throw my soul on the table on this blog. side note.]

if you are reading this right now, i know you know of at least one or two--if not more--songs.

be honest. we all know what i'm talking about. description necessary? i think not.

running songs. go team, go.

purty please??

don't feel awkward commenting. i won't think it's weird. sometimes when i comment on blogs of people i don't know very well. [slash at all. ahemmm.] i feel super awkward. like they will think i'm weird.

fact:

i don't think they think anything of it, besides loving an extra message.

so. i, of all people am the last one you should feel awkward talking to.

because i am awkward enough for everyone.

nough said. now that i've just professed my feelings about blogging. which doesn't relate at all. oopsay.

pleaseeeee share!

provide moral support for my uncharacteristic motivation to go running.

pleassseeee!!!

i used three exclamation points. i never do that. unless very very invested in what i am saying.

which i am.

so, to the person reading this thinking,

"she has no earthly idea who i am. why the heck would i comment?"

or,

"she only kind of knows me. maybe. but i haven't talked to her ever. or in a long time."

first of all. you should talk to me. second of all,

i'm talking to you. because i have thought the same thing while blogstalking lots of times.

admitting a number would be impossible. and embarrassing. i'm cool.

p.s. running/outside at dusk? gorgeous. sunset=beautiful.

that is all.

to accomplish great good

"You don't have to be a genius. You don't have to be a straight-A student. You just have to do your very best. With all the capability that you have, you have to do your very best. And somehow if you do that, God will open the way before you and the sun will shine and your lives will be fruitful and you'll accomplish great good in the world in which you take a part...there's no end in sight for the good you can do...the work of the world isn't done by geniuses, it's done by ordinary people who have learned to work in an extraordinary way."

Gordon B. Hinckley

(from this talk)

"Things work out, it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out, don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us."

Gordon B. Hinckley

communication

"if we communicated with something like music,

we would never be misunderstood."

jonathan safran foer, everything is illuminated.

"to effectively communicate,

we must realize that we are all different

in the way we perceive the world and

use this understanding as a guide

to our communication with others."

anthony robbins.

my darling

go to the following website:

click here.

and listen.

it's the sweetest song. and this version is divine.

i've been listening to it over and over and over.

so calming, relaxing, and mellow.

i can't stop.

    

someday i'll sing it to a little baby of mine.

and my hubby will too.

someday. in the very distant future.

my darling.

[ go back to sleep now, my darlin'.

and i'll keep all the bad dreams away.

breathe now, think sweet things.

and i'll think of all the right words to say.

because we made you, my darlin',

with the love in each of our hearts.

we were a family, my darlin',

right from the start.

grow up now, my darlin'.

please don't you grow up too fast.

and be sure, my darlin',

to make all the good times last.

because we made you, my darlin',

with the love in each of our hearts.

we were a family, my darlin',

right from the start. ]

deals. dealbreakers. deal.

i still haven't found what i'm looking for. u2.

sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see. vanessa williams.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. the fray.

seemingly easy and simple decision? wrong.
seemingly unsensitive topic for anyone? wrong.
it's everything and nothing all at the same time. and i wish i could just call friends or family and ask for their advice of what to do. or have my mother make my decisions for me as mothers do for young children in the early years. but i can't. i just can't. i'm realizing that this is a decision i need to make myself. unfortunately. i'm not good with decision making. maybe this is why? i have to decide for myself. disregarding the piped in emotions of anyone or everyone else. idealized and realistic are very different things. in an ideal world, i would pick each detail by my own choice and be content. but ideal world doesn't account for the fact that everyone has their own life. their own relationships. their own choices. their own preferences. their own paths. i'd like to live in ideal world. life would be much simpler.
why is this such a big deal? i feel like i'm overreacting.
and yet-for me, for my life, for a reason i don't know-it is a big deal. a very big deal.
inspiration, please come quickly.

reminders:

this reminds me of how i'm feeling today.

wanting to nestle my head into a pillow.

this reminds me of a summer day in my childhood.

almost any summer day, really.

but especially being at the powell's blowing bubbles in their driveway.

this reminds me of what i wouldn't mind having a room in my own house look like someday.

the joy of bright and happy yellow cannot be overstated.

this reminds me of what i wouldn't mind a kitchen of my own looking like someday.

window. sunbeam. lemons. simplicity. and a big kitchen sink.

this reminds me of what a room of perfection would look like in my personal opinion.

future nursery? big windows, fluffy chair, seats in sunbeams. perfect.

this reminds me of the bedrooms you'd see when walking through an old pioneer house.

slightly enchanting and dreamy, isn't it? i love everything about it.

this reminds me of what a policy will be with my children someday.

and something we will do together often.

starting with on my lap, and then on their own. like this.

this reminds me of the real homemade-next-door honey that my grandma showed me last week.

honey that her neighbor had given her. the color was gorgeous.

and of course it reminds me of winnie the pooh.

this reminds me of springtime and summer.

in complete opposition to the thick snow pouring down outside the window.

i love lemonade.

lemonade is more than just a drink. it's a feeling. a way of being.

and it reminds me of a quote down in the cottage in st.george.

"I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June." --L.M. Montgomery

i was born at the end of may. may and june are my favorite months. how fitting.

the world becomes so perfectly whimsical when it has just come back to life.

all images found here. pretty, no?

bright at last.

leave to thy God to order and provide;

in every change he faithful will remain.

be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly friend

thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

to guide the future as he has the past.

thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

all now mysterious shall be bright at last.

be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

when we shall be forever with the Lord,

when disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,

all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

be still my soul, hymn 124

he speaks in music.

the meaning. my meaning.

to always find beauty and joy in every little thing,

as well as realizing the infinite potential that exists in days not yet lived.

last night some of my roommates and i had an excellent talk. it seriously was so good. in the realms of one of my favorite of all the 'deep chats' i've ever had.
tianne and i realized yesterday that we hadn't really seen each other or talked in days, besides simple salutations in the mornings before leaving for class or in passing from one place to another. we're all busy people, of course. so she and i and sarah had a chat. a talk about things. just talking of things that are. which lead to more spreading of ideas and discussions. and then kaitlin came home and joined us, posing a very intriguing question.
a week or so ago she read man's search for meaning, by viktor e. frankl. and so she asked us the same question he had stressed the importance of: what is your meaning? which is to say, in one sentence, what is it that gives your life meaning? a sense of motivation, significance. this is a task that seems at first difficult. and yet, by the same token, is so overwhelmingly simple.
kaitlin had each of us decide what our own was before any sharing was done. and then we each took our turn. and as a follow up question, why do we think that's it? what do you think that stems from? it was fascinating to see how each of ours was so different, and yet, connected. just as fascinating, was realizing the meaning behind it. after hearing all of them, it was interesting how these sentences were quite literally definitive of the individual. her past experiences as well as learning from them. descriptions of where our priorities are placed. and each one, though self-created, was an excellent description of that person. a description so encompassing that it could only have been originally created by the self, though completely recognizable as their own by the audience to their lives. as i listened to tianne, sarah, and kaitlin's own meanings, i found myself intrinsically thinking how fitting that their own was for them. though of course it was also something that evolves and changes based on experience. and isn't that what we all are always doing? constantly searching for the thing that gives our own life, as an individual, meaning?
i love nothing more than conversations like this. getting down to the core of a person. who they are. past, present, future. you can tell a lot about a person from what they give priority to in their lives. the meaning of it. the motivation. what's yours?

the oldest and dearest of friends.

aujourd'hui, pendant que j'ai déjeuné (du pain et du fromage. mmmm.),

j'ai songé à quelque chose. la chose suivante. un rêve, vraiment.

j'ai imaginé que j'étais en france. j'y suis allée. tout seul, au début. mais dans un petit village charmant, j'habitais. aussi près d'une ville, comme paris, pour les vacances. j'irais au marché presque tous les jours pour acheter du pain. du lait. et des fleurs frais, bien sûr.  les gens du village deviendraient mes amis. comme nous nous connaissions pour toujours. vrais amis, des tout âges. j'ai imaginé quelques conversations entre moi et eux. on mangerait ensemble de temps en temps. pour passé le temps des soirs de l'hiver et de l'été. amis. ils deviendraient une famille.
ahhh. un rêve.

"paris est toujours une bonne idée." --audrey hepburn

[only because google translator is awful--i'll translate myself. for those of you feeling outside of this exclusive club for members. maybe you should just learn french, yeah? i think i'll have to marry a frenchman i've decided. or one who knows french. it's too beautiful to spend a life without it being spoken in my presence as often as possible. anyways. the following is for those lost in translation.]

{ today, while i ate lunch (bread and cheese. mmmm.),

i thought of something. the following thing. a dream, really.

i imagined that i was in france. i went there. all alone, at first. but in a charming little village, i lived. also close to a city, like paris, for holidays. i would go to the market almost every day to buy bread. milk. fresh flowers, of course. the people of the village would become my friends. as though we had known each other forever. true friends, of all ages. i imagined some conversations between me and them. we would eat together from time to time. to pass the time of winter and summer evenings. friends. they would become a family.

ahhh. a dream.

"paris is always a good idea." --audrey hepburn }

words.

lately, my mind is always filled with words. like seriously, all the time. random words flash through my mind. usually they're anatomy terms, understandably. the way they fly through reminds me of those old word computer games. where words fly towards you like you're in space and they're stars as you fly by. one at a time, but on to the next before you can think.
the most common time for the flash through of words is when i'm first waking up. seriously. the anatomy words are like, 'bam! bam! bam! good luck remembering what the heck i am while you're half asleep still!' it's like a taunt. or i completely know it, but it causes my brain to go through a full scale review of that term and any nearby places. seriously.
this morning's word was olecranon. olecranon, olecranon, olecranon. olecranon process. i think. and i'm trying to remember if there's another olecranon something. or is it olecranon condyle? dangit. it's a new one, ok? now you're intrigued and want to look it up too. i'm sure. ok, so maybe not. the way my ta said we should remember olecranon is because it's at the posterior side of the elbow. (olecranal region. ohhh my gosh. olecranal. olecranon. life makes so much sense right now.) and in spanish dancing you might touch your hands to the opposite elbow with arms up going back and forth saying 'ole!' ok, so it sounds stupid now. at 9 o'clock last night it seemed funny.
yesterday's (or maybe the day before?) was foramen lacerum. so of course then my brain painted a little picture for me as i said to myself: foramen spinosum. foramen ovale. foramen lacerum. foramen rotundum. optic canal. i know, i know. and now i'm doing the same thing as i type this. be jealous.
sometimes lyrics join the party. today's were the following lines from the chorus of speak now, taylor swift. don't say yes bum bum bu-um bum, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum in the church through the back door. the bum bum bum part is the part where the words in my head were a little fuzzy. obviously. so we just stuck with bum  bums to describe the humming in my head that skips those phrases. wow i sound psycho.
why am i writing this at 6:29 am? well i woke up an hour ago. and was going to go back to sleep. but the words had something else in mind. and wouldn't leave my mind alone to sleep. i know. how rude of them. so much for the extra few hours. now i sound really insane. wowzers.

artsy fartsy

steven says my blog is unique and artsy.
and that i get a lot of traffic and have a lot of readers.
so maybe one day i'll develop a following and make money.

don't worry. this is where i laughed.

also, in other unrelated news. i really want to go to georgia. the state. in the summertime, naturally.
there's something about after christmas winter that gives me a major travel bug.

hearts of paper.

kaitlin: it's like a little girl speaking french. i can't even do that!

emily: yeah, but can she speak english?

...

ok, so she probably can.

laughs.

"i'm in love with chris brown. you don't know him."

"do you want to get married?"

[silent smile.]

"i'd tell you to shower up and stuff. buuuuutttt i know you."

laughs.

i'm going to ace my anatomy quiz tomorrow. really.

laughs. again.

my brain is going to explode. i'm way behind in my comd reading because of it.

laughs.

i'm trying this new turn over a new leaf and shower thing.

laughs.

i even blow-dried and straightened my hair today.

ok, so it will probably only last like a day.

it's the thought that counts.

some more laughs.

i saw one of my friends from my former french classes yesterday [340&321].

she was going to a french class.

all she said was, 'ohhh. i have 361 right now.'

and i knew exactly what she was talking about. like an exclusive club for members.

laughs.

and someone else we know is in that class with her.

and she has 322 with another friend.

i was so jealous. i miss french classes.

romanian is fun [laughs], but not the same.

language classes are more fun at higher levels.

because you mostly know what you're doing. another exclusive club for members.

laughs.

but i'm in romanian 101 instead. it's kind of a joke sometimes/always. 

laughs.

both of my visiting teachers this semester are in comd.

one of the girls i visit teach is in comd.

funny, huh?

laughs.

princess claira just came over.

laughs.

we all know it's laughs in and of itself.

we're discussing the recent gossip of lives.

laughs. because it took like 2.5 seconds.

that's why it's funny.

but now it's not funny because i explained it.

so we're talking about her love life.

laughs. hearts.

decisions, decisions--done.

laughs.

laughs all around.

especially for anatomy.

pretty things:

blue & orange. tough to get right. i love these shades. charming.

a balcony. with a view like this. beauty.

these candles and flowers. beautiful. luminous.

an ancient apartment of hidden treasures in paris. need i say more? antique.

i'm in love with delftware. unique.

a cafe that looks like one i once went to in paris. enchanting.

to wake up with fresh flowers on one side and a sunbeam on the other? perfection.

roses and trinkets. timeless.

upcoming travel plans. exciting and nerve-racking. thrilling.

waking up to bushy and friendly fresh flowers? almost makes the grey and cold bearable. almost.

my very own perfection.

{all photos found in many various locations around the internet.
except the last one. obviously.}

my own metronome.

last night, after my grandma and grandpa had left our birthday celebration, i had a realization.
doug and steven were talking about computers. or math. or classes. or who knows what.
sherry and my mom were chatting about i don't know what. something. health, i think.

and i was playing the piano. followed by violin [a notable detail].

i'm fully aware i am no public speaker like doug. i learn it even more every time i have to give a talk. i would rather give a musical number any day. or write something. the performance of something i've written/speaking? not so good. whatevs. it's fine. eloquence is not my gift.

so while other people talk through speech, i talk through music instead. sometimes words.
i realize the irony that i have issues communicating through speech and the fact that my major is communication disorders. don't even worry about it. i'm working on it.

meet rosa:

(yes i have a name for my violin. and yes that's perfectly normal.

if you don't think it is, well,then you haven't been near any musicians recently.

especially strings.)

bow of pernambuco wood. frog of tortoise shell.

 i'm in love with the color of the wood.

and the small collection of barely-there chinks in the wood on the right side.

i don't know if i could ever bring myself to have it revarnished. i love those details too much.

it's been almost a year since my last rendez-vous with rosa.
and i've been dying for awhile now to play her.
and play her i did. for quite awhile.
and it felt just right.

that cool brush on my neck.

the back pain from being in one position for so long.

the pressure of the plastic border of the shoulder rest on my shoulder, leaving a red mark for awhile after.

my 'broken' joints in my wrist that i could use as a metronome as i twist my wrist.

(i know. it's disgusting.)

and, last but not least:

welcome back, violin hickey/rough spot i've now re-aggravated on my neck.

i've missed you.

shout hooray!

sherry had a birthday. shout hooray!

ok, so it was on january the eighth.

big deal. the sixteenth is practically the same. ha ha. 

i feel like i have a lot of pictures of doug with his mouth open.

just sayin. it's an easy thing to come across.

we couldn't find candles. and got creative instead.

steven's not a pyro. what? psyche.

 so presh.

grandparents.

 i'm going to be honest. i mostly just like this one for doug's face in the background.

 she was looking at doug to my right. i just thought that was notable.

grandmama said it best:

"Sherry is such a natural part of the family. 

It seems she has always been with us."

it's so true.

perfection.

love you, sherry sunshine. :)