how is what it's all about

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."
— Haruki Murakami 

may the twenty-ninth, two thousand ten - 19.

my birthday this year was a very emily day. well, days.

such a good one. one of the best.

friday through sunday will go down in history. and the celebrations began with court's package thursday night. from then on, there was no turning back. for the better.

friday:

driving to salty lakey.

skyline's walls.

croft!

young, farr, sis.t, maridee.

iceberg shakes & fries.

indecision.

bad romance. gives you hell. etc.

laughs.

singing.

cafe rio.

cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

raining sherry sunshine.

reminiscing.

full day with la.
sleeeeeeeep.

saturday:

sleeping in. not too late, not too early.

no shower. greasy hair.

[i know i'm gross. accept it, please?]

t-shirt & jeans.

friends.

cheesy movies.

hosing off dirty car and getting as wet as a seven year old playing with a hose.

naptime.

reading quotes.

olive garden.

beautiful weather: sunshine, half rain, sunshine.

sunflowers and snapdragons from claira. fudge. photo book. mr. magorium's.

amazing cookies from mr. hometeacher.

grocery store. oober short guy.

martian child. sleeping through much of movie.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeep, at last.

sunday:

beautiful sunshine morning walk to church.

NO marriage talks. finally.

thinking. pondering.

laughs and talks while waiting for bishop.

waiting for bishop for nothing.

cake making.

heat waves embracing me as i drove to grandma's.

sunshine.

doug&sherry.

picnic.

laughs with fam bam.

more sunshine.

cake frosting.

lack of fire.

eagle scout creatively make fire.

wishes.

presents.

lyrical wishes for present givers.

blood pressure & patient assessments.

excessive laughter.

pacman, angry birds, and train game.

music wisdom.

brian meets the cake.

les mis.

sara's news. (!!!!!!!!!)

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

more excellent than possible, no?

home

"i never realize how much i like being home unless i've been somewhere really different for awhile." --juno

how can you describe that feeling of being away for awhile, and then coming in through roads you've traveled on thousands of times? passing by buildings that hold thousands of memories. you wouldn't think it would be so peculiar just driving down a road. but these are not ordinary roads. they are the roads that hold my childhood. no matter where i go in this world, these roads, and these mountains, and these canyons will capture my heart every single time. filling it to the brim with memories, and yet each time i see the colors i've seen millions of times, it's like seeing something breathtaking and indescribable for the first time and never wanting to forget it. like being an infant seeing the majesty of the world for the first time, or a child learning of the immense universe, unable to even grasp the magnitude.
but no, it's never forgotten. the memories hardly fade. and yet, the next time, it's like coming home for the first time again. it's always like the first. the cool, refreshing, secure, confident, familiar feeling. that's the feeling of home.

a few pre-nineteen musings

• i really should work on not looking so disgusting every day, as well as the greasy hair thing. yesterday was an almost all time low. thank you, kaitlin, for the revolting photographic evidence.
• mr. frankie ludacris is getting awfully verbal more often than you would expect. as in almost every single day. usually multiple times per day.
• chuck season finale--flippin' intense.
• i really need to not stay up so late.
• lately i'm obsessed with bad romance. also, the glee version? wow they looked psycho. and i thought i wouldn't like their version? yeah, i can deal.
• lady gaga may be crazy, but she's a genius. her songs are some of the most catchy songs i've ever heard.
• home today! lauren, why are you leaving me? :( oh well. but then again steve is too. should i take this as a sign?
• recent and future breakfasts...hmm. i'm not sure how to feel about this. i'm not any too in love with the idea. times change, believe it or not. that's all that needs to be said.
• i am delivering a fruit cutting knife to steven. that's not a request you hear every day. yay for special olympics.
• thanks to my birthday being set on memorial day weekendish every year, i get to party all weekend long, not just tomorrow. that being said, let the party begin!

delightful

"forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet
and the winds long to play with your hair." --kahlil gibran

is it weird that sometimes i forget that now
i have bangs..until i look in the mirror?

why, yes.

the netherlands is, in fact, on my world visiting bucket list. i think it's so rad that the majority of commuters are on bikes.
it looks so whimsical and charming as they glide through the streets.

have you ever?

have you ever skyped

5 children (4 of which are redheads)

2 'big people'

7 cats

1 dog named pebbles

a herd of chickens
4 turtles

snow outside the window coming down in a blizzard on one end

a green and toasty humid place on the other end,
that has no other visible neighbors across the road

- - -

all before 12 noon?

i sure have.

:)

lmgtfy

with a cs majoring brother, i guess google will always have a soft spot in my heart. but today might be my favorite.
pacman is bomb. also, the insert coin button makes me smile.

need i say more? also, this is a major favorite:

http://www.lmgtfy.com

i'm surprised steve wasn't the one to invent this. just sayin.

missing you

"I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you're the one who makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other, for those were some of the best memorable times of my life."

happy as a clam, i am. :)

member this special moment when my grandma brought me flowers?

and member this special moment when i fell in love?

yep, you got it. we were faced with a few extra minutes when picking it up this afternoon and my grandmother wanted to go to dillards. so to dillards we went.

and what did we find, as i browsed for something as a reward for all the help i had given her (which was really no problem at all)?

i feel this picture is a full explanation in and of itself. yep, that's all. my grandma is wonderful in so many ways. :)

dreaming

member this freak out moment?

yeah, well. this weeks episode? i freaked out a looot.

idina menzel is seriously an idol of mine.

she's so talented.

i dreamed a dream by idina and lea michele? ahhhhhhhh!

also, they look freaky similar. really freaky.

anyway, i know it sounds ridiculous. but it was such a moving episode.

artie's safety dance? i wanted to cry at the end.

save for later

--gloria's little italy - delicious and charming. gloria's gnocchi=superb. also, the sandwiches are huge! delicious, but huge. definitely a place that sends you home with a box.
--yozone - adorable. pineapple is best, though. that's for sure.
--500 north, 200 east. if i remember the address correctly, is the location of an absolutely adorable blue and white home. i'll have to take a picture on a walk someday.

happiness

• the high councilor quoted charlie brown on sunday. yes he did gain more respect in my book for that.
• it's been raining ALL morning. i love summer rain with all my heart.
• grandma lunch today!
• sleeping in.
• happiness--excellent song from 'you're a good man, charlie brown.' he's right. happiness is anyone and anything at all, that's loved by you. :) have a listen here. it won't disappoint. promise. simple and childlike. yet it's oh, so true all the same.
• i've decided i'm going to embrace the train that passes through provo and toots its own horn while it's at it. even if it does usually tend to ring across provo through my open window just after 1 am. really loudly. just sayin. embracing.

oh my heavens.

i just counted up the amount of money
i need for the next five years of my life.
{tuition, living, travel, etc.}

hoooooooly crap.

pardon my french.

but it's more money than i've ever seen in my entire life.

oh shnikeys...

wowzers

apparently i have a lot to blog about lately. i'm on a major roll here. oh well. laissez les bon temps rouler! haaaa.

spontaneous walk tonight with brother 1. gorgeous evening. by the time we got to university from center street it was full on dark. but still beautiful.
as we walked along center street-well, and on 7th east-we commented on some of the houses we passed. i have a serious obsession and love of them. they are so charming and cute, though there were a few oddballs, of course. but it was a nice mix, but enough similarities that nothing was too out of place. also, i love porches. and house with lace curtains? you were my favorite.

brother 1 likes to talk a lot. and it's quite a stress reliever for him, i guess.
actually, now that i mention it. both brother 1 and brother 2 like to talk a lot. good thing i have big ears. :)

good day.

p.s. good thing i have brother 1's [and i think brother 2's] stamp of approval as a person. fyi, that's kind of a really big deal. :)

good laugh & long sleep

"a good laugh and a long sleep are the best cure."

"sleep on it."

...

after having 'slept on it.'

i feel just as good about my new decisions.

which are.

school summer semester, rather than wasting the summer

with the chance that i never find a job.

go to romania next summer with byu-isp.

(working in an orphanage)

individual field study in france the summer after that.

love.

:)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new plans.

seemingly quick and unexpected.

yet everything can easily fall right into place

like pieces of a puzzle.

:)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

don't judge me

please don't judge me. but justin bieber is growing on me. for reals.

originally, i just respected him because he's legitimately talented.

but he's growing on me.

go listen to baby. or eenie meenie. or we are the world.

[click the title for a link to the song. skip to 1:05 in we are the world to get to the song itself. justin bieber is first up.]

catchy, right?

exactly my point.

patience-a key to happiness

“We should learn to be patient with ourselves. Recognizing our strengths and our weaknesses, we should strive to use good judgment in all of our choices and decisions, make good use of every opportunity, and do our best in every task we undertake. We should not be unduly discouraged nor in despair at any time when we are doing the best we can. Rather, we should be satisfied with our progress even though it may come slowly at times.”

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, 

ever be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”

--Flavia Weedn

i was always taught that life is full of disappointments.
though rarely is it mentioned how hard it is
to get back up and start over again.

three!

please cross any fingers and toes that you can for me at this time.

thank you very much.

give said the little stream

1. i like when thoughtfulness is an afterthought. psycheeee. i'm done trying. after being last resort for so long, you're no longer a priority. someday you'll learn? who am i kidding. probably not.
2. chuck. best show. where have i been. now i understand kaitlin's obsession last week.
3. 5 guys, if nothing else, has my vote for excellent customer service. i will be returning, mr. man. oh, and the food was pretty good too.
4. pray for tomorrow, please? i REALLY would love this job. and i've made it this far, haven't i? who's to say i won't make it? i will. positive attitude at its finest. please help, karma.
5. charming diner friday coming up. with la. stokedddddd. yes.
6. summer rain is beautiful. but tonight standing outside i eventually couldn't feel my toes. isn't it may?
7. may is the best month. 29th most preferred date.
8. sherry and i wish mikey was better at showing up when we whistle to call for him. that would be so much more convenient. come on man. get with it. where are you when i need you, mr. m?
9. sherry and i make faces during family dinners from across two tables. yes indeedy.
10. can i hear the bells?
11. haircut (trim) needed asap. layers have gone askew. but where will i go? to be determined.
12. i like bursting out into laughter in a silent room, only to have kaitlin look over and look at me like i'm crazy.
13. mr. magorium has stolen my heart. dustin hoffman is a very talented man.
14. west wing. sports night. mash. required in future husband. seriously.
15. for awhile i felt old. oldish, at least. relatively, of course. and then i moved into my new ward. i'm practically an infant.
16. eighteen days until i can expect to receive a magical package with a return address from hurdland. you should know at this point that i have high expectations of greatness, court. :)
17. temple soonish. tomorrow, perhaps? tonight fizzled. tomorrow it is.
18. i haven't finished the last batch i was working on at fhe monday. yay for indexing.
19. i have no friends. i'm not asking for sympathy. i've just noticed it lately in my boring empty days. but i've also talked to people that also have no friends or only have a few. sad, isn't it?
20. red. orange. cream. got it. and now recorded. good thing i look great in red or cream/white. lucky you. orange, though? sorry, but i can't work it. please accept my apologies in advance. one year and three months is far enough in advance, right?
21. speaking of bells. the thought of close friends getting married boggles my mind. everything changes so much. too bad. but excellent, all the same.
22. i wish i could play the piano. no comments necessary, claira. i know how bad i am. your piano is painfully out of tune with no pedals, though.
23. i was nostalgic for europe this morning. then again, when am i not? mmmmmm.
24. i really should start eating meals at more human hours.
25. i miss the past at times, but am more happy in the present and future. sad to say, it's true. what was i ever thinking? we've all said it before. it's sadly true. this fact was confirmed again today.
26. my selection of clothing is pathetic, ragged, and old.
27. jersey girl was painful to watch. literally. haaa.
28. i'm glad i wasn't older in the 90's. the styles were hideous. but then again when do i ever get into styles?
29. this is much longer than i meant it to be. oh, well.
30. i listen to 'break your heart' way too many times in each day.
31. i have absolutely nothing to do in most of my days each day. it's a little bit sad and pathetic the things i end up doing.
32. the night is always darkest just before the dawn.
33. your life is an occasion. rise to it. because it is your life.
34. the man in the moon is hiding behind the clouds and the raindrops, but i know he's still saying goodnight to me, like every night. i miss courtney's reply from the other room, though. i won't lie about that. we had it down to a science each night. so, in her honor, with this i bid you adieu:

"goodnight, moon!"-emily

"goodnight, sunshine! goodnight, stars!"-courtney

genius

"Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein

hear the magic

"life is good only when it is magical and musical,

a perfect timing and consent,
and when we do not anatomise it...

you must hear the bird's song,

without attempting to render it into nouns & verbs."

-ralph waldo emerson, society & solitude

picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.

cloudy with a chance

"i was amazed how many girls
wanted to compare hand sizes with me...!"

-michael david ricks

hahaha. i love family gatherings.<3

that empty apartment

apartment to myself today/tonight. some roommates on vacation. others home for the weekend. one out with friends. and therefore i am left to my lonesome. it's quite wonderful, i must admit. the agenda for this night of self indulgence?

.macaroni noodles and parmesan cheese.

.reading chick flick novel.
[the truth about forever. by sarah dessen. recommended by ms. rachel bagley. simple and cheesy so far--love.]

.watch movie by myself. and relish it.
[i haven't decided yet which one. right now i'm feeling like p&p or ever after. suggestions?]

so far most nights that i've been here have been filled with playing with claira. or other random activities. don't get me wrong. i love claira with all my heart. and our adventures-love them too. but sometimes you just want some time to enjoy that's all your own, you know? and that's what tonight shall be.

hallelujah.
:)

one. singular sensation.

this blog has existed for an entire year today.

wow. what a year it has been.

filled with adventures, that's for sure.

here's to another year of wonderful adventures. :)

liv liv liv liv liv. olivia rose, that is.

i've missed her lots. what can beat a spring/summer evening in the park?

you're right. nothing at all.

i find these pictures so whimsical and marvelous.

summertime

"summertime,

and the livin' is eassyyy.

fish are jumpin'

and the cotton is high."

--ella fitzgerald
[george gershwin]

ella has such a sultry voice.

it's magnificent.

i can't think of any better word for it.
sultry.

i had her voice running through my head for the rest of the day

after this song was mentioned

on my practice ap english test last year.

good call, ap board.

i wish i could enjoy summertime more.

if i had a job, that is.

then i could stop worrying,

and start playing and working.

someday.

job searching stinks. major.

pray for me?

haaa.

hey, sister

the time has come. hey, soul sister has reached number one on my play count in itunes. it's monumental, to say the least. but brad still holds slots two and three, so all is well for him. see?

[click to see it bigger and better, if you so desire.]

who we are and will become

"for what we love determines what we seek.

what we seek determines what we think and do.

what we think and do determines

who we are--and who we will become."

--dieter f. uchtdorf