a lil' list of happy.

things that make me happy today:

[yes, this list is as cheesy as it sounds. no bigs.] 

. the fact that this is my view whenever i enter my apartment. so what if the sign is from when i opened my call over 3 weeks ago? it ain't no thang.

. my sunflowers are bloomingly gorgeous and bright and open. and can we talk about the explosion of popcorn trees and spring scents this week? laurs and i adore it.

. member how i love being called em? i kind of wish i could be called sister em. too bad, really. guess i'll be satisfied with being auntie em for future nieces and nephews, because you better believe that's what they'll be calling me. dang straight.

. i don't think i give enough credit to how great my coworkers are. because they're so so great. hil-arious beyond belief, and we always have the funniest conversations. and such interesting conversations. and let's not forget about how much i/all of us laugh. and maybe we have a party practically once a week. or someone buys doughnuts for everyone. or who knows what. it's so great.

. i was talking to ros ros this week about post-romania interactions. and how generally speaking, i prefer being around people i met after romania, because i feel more like i'm being myself with them than i am with people from before, (there are obviously exceptions to this.) but generally speaking, it's just easier. i can be who i've become without feeling like i need to revert into who i was. i think that's another reason i love being around my coworkers so much. we all are completely and unfailingly ourselves. and we all love each other anyway. no one is fake, no one is dumb. it's a hilarious mix. number one lesson everyone should learn in life: you can be yourself and still have people like you. in fact, they'll like you even more that way. just sayin.

. conference weekend. need i say more?

. the weather today and yesterday could not be more incredible. spring and summer make my life. straight up. if the weather all year round could be like march through october in utah, i'd be perfectly okay with it. just sayin.

. my mission is going to be the coolest thing ever. i can just tell. i'm so excited it's unreal. i heart eastern ukraine.

. talking to an old friend/roommate. like, really talking. deep talking. so so good. kaitlin rachelle snow is going to be the best missionary ever. i know it. she just is.

. conference dates with soul sister on this beautiful day. how the heck am i supposed to live without her for 18 months?? dangitall.
. zupas. never gets old. ever. and i decided i need to start storing up cafe rio visits since ukraine doesn't have mexican food. ( mexican food : america :: mediterranean/middle eastern food : eastern europe ) true story. good thing i'm obsessed with my shaworma and gyros. mmmm. oh my gosh. i just made the realization that they probs have shaworma in ukraine. i just died. i really did. someone please appreciate this fact with me?
. CONFERENCE. anddd okay, can we just talk about how pres. packer's talk made me miss my babies like crazy?? okay, great. glad i'm not the only one. and let's also talk about how elder holland is THE MAN. everyone knows it's true. he is so spot on talking about something that most people just brush under the rug, but is a huge problem. dear mormons: stop being judgy-eyed and self-righteous. the end.

weekends have been completely underrated in my life until this half of the semester.

i live for them like none other. and am dying to sleep. maybe i'll take a nap today just because i can.

happy weekend, world!

go outside. NOW.

feel free to thank me later.

all roads.

in case you were ever wondering, all roads in the church lead to the temple.

if nothing else, that is the one fact that has been smacked into me in the past week.

all roads lead there.

(closely compare the stain-glass windows and the tree.)

ps. secular note: i love that the stain-glass windows and other decorations in the jordan river temple match the trees outside. like, really. you have no idea how much i love it. it's just plain beautiful the way the church incorporates the surroundings in the design. the windows, the trees, the fences. it's the little details that make beauty, you know. it makes me want to go to every temple everywhere just to see those details.

temple trips are the best. i wish i could go all the time.

and i've now been to two of the three staple temples in the salt lake/utah valley.

(don't judge me for saying that. they're among the busiest. the salt lake members usually go to jordan river because it's a shorter session. true story. and salt lake is, and will always be, salt lake. the best. and everyone knows how busy provo is.)

salt lake and jordan river.

last stop: provo. someday soon, i hope.

slowly but surely, i'm determined to discover the mysteries of the universe.

you think i'm kidding.

too bad i'm not moving very fast. haahahahaha. understatement of the century.

and unfortunately, there's the minor fact that the more i've learned, the more i realize how much i don't know. and how much no one knows. and how much there probably is to know that we don't even know is there to be known.

how's that for mind boggling?

thought so.

secrets.

in case you never knew, i love being called em.
just sayin. fun fact number one.
but if i don't know you, it's kind of awkward.
otherwise, bring it on. a girl at work calls me em. it's the best.

speaking of that girl i work with, i just found out she knows one of my favorite people from high school. hellooo combination of favorite people. from two different domains of life. weird little thing.

sometimes i feel a little embarrassed when i tell people ukraine before or after they tell me theirs.
mostly because i'm proud and excited that i'm so cool. but there's are cool too and just as right for them as mine is for me, so i guess it's okay. also, can we just talk about how many people are getting called to nevada las vegas right now??

speaking of mission calls. can we also talk about how many people are suddenly going on missions?? i swear there's going to be hardly anyone left next year because there are so many people going in this summer. yeyahhh.

lauren rose and i decided that sometimes we want to make a board on pinterest for all the ugly things we see.
but then maybe we'd accidentally offend someone. dangitall.

i want to make hard-boiled eggs and color them! a staple of eastertime.

i'm going to the temple tonight. :) i'm so cool. i should probably work on my humility. but i really am so cool.

i need to go here someday. i really do.

and the following fact is such a true statement as far as happiness. little things.

happy thursday!

one point five weeks of class to go.

yesssssssss.

impulse shopping 101.

when you're making an impulsive purchase, make sure it brings incredible levels of sunshine into your soul.

added perk: sunshine for my roommates too.

 more than worth the impulse money spent.

more than worth it, i tell you.

i went to the store with lauren rose and ended up with flowers. normal, right?

sunflowers own my soul i think.

and member this?

tonight we recreated those yummy creations.

mmmmmmmm. just as good as you're imagining right now. 

margherita pizza+pizza factory breadsticks?

goodness gracious, me oh my.

the only even remotely bad thing about all this? lauren celeste isn't here this time.

ruuuuuude.

good thing we have a conference date this weekend.

traditionnnnnnn. tradition.

[go ahead and try to tell me you don't adore tevye and that song. just go ahead and try.] 

ps. song of the day right here.

the tussle.

this right here is why my children will be learning languages from a young age. or at least one.

whether at home or through one of those immersion programs.

so happening.

and maybe i like the idea of languages not only as making you smarter,

but the fun of being part of that club for members that also know it.

and, it makes you smarter. let's be real.

speaking of languages. the fact that i'm probably dropping my french minor makes me feel like a quitter.

but if i can manage to pass the exams well enough to get a certificate, does that make it not so bad?

and maybe having extra time between when i come home and the one more comd semester isn't so bad.

because maybe i have new possible plans.

it all works out, you know.

there is so much that i love about this.

but let's just stick with my top 5.

1. PAPANAȘI. that on its own deserves an award.

2. her serious attitude.

3. her shoes! 

4. the fact that this video / her attitude+the shoes is SO romanian.

5. her name is viorrica. i won't even begin on how much i could say about that. baha.

and this one is just great because i like listening to him talk.
andddd the word repede reminds me of mr.M - baiat de spitalul.
mai repede! mai repede!
and that time he got us in trouble with the nurse.
you may recall him from this post. yep. that 'lasă mă' boy is him. same boy, different days.
haahahahahahahahahahahaha. what a guy.


guess what i'm attempting to make tonight for our work party tomorrow?
(foreign foods in celebration of my mission call!)
you guessed it: PAPANAȘI!
i'm a little excited. no biggy.
and yes, papanași needs to be in caps at all times because it's that good.
PAPANAȘI.

a house of glory, clear as the sun.

i realize i'm quite one-track minded as of late. but i honestly can't help it. especially this week. last night, i went through the temple for the first time. like, the whole thing. there's little i can say, and little i'm capable of saying at this point in any words that are remotely eloquent. (but here i am anyways, right? judge me.) the most significant thing to be learned is a grand eternal perspective and a complete absence of the world and all its associations. being there brought an entirely new meaning to wishing i could live in the temple and an entirely new perspective on this life and my place within it. additionally, it made some of the complexities and dusts of distraction from everyday life seem quite laughable, really. any notion of time completely disappeared in my mind, and i now feel a tangible new power resting upon me. in doctrine and covenants 109:22 (the prayer given at the dedication of the first temple built in this dispensation) it asks that the lord's servants may go forth armed with his power, with his name upon them, his glory round about them, with angels bearing them up. it may sound completely ridiculous to some who read this, but i can literally feel a new power within me. an inexplicable (and completely explicable) kind of strength and peace.

it is no understatement when i say there is much i've yet to understand, and there is much to learn. in some ways, i feel like i've started a brand new semester. except this semester of learning will last into eternity. and it's probably a good thing, because i feel like i have a long way to go. i left feeling completely humbled, but also completely loved and capable of progression. i'm certain that the best / most nerve-wracking part was having my family there with me. yes, including my soul sista. it made me nervous being the newbie feeling intimidated and overwhelmed while surrounded by so many who are wiser and more experienced than myself, but it made the symbolism of heaven that much richer to have family physically present, as well as the close proximity to heaven and those already there--the closest on earth. and honestly, it meant the world to me.
if i had one wish in all the world, it would be that everyone could have their eyes opened to the importance, beauty, and glory of the temple and all it stands for as well as all the beauty found within it. i wish everyone could be willing to acquire that perspective, and see how simple it all really is, in the end. because while it may seem hard from an earthly perspective, it's more than worth it in the end.
and in case you were wondering, for future reference, don't think about your romania babies (especially the ones fresh from heaven or back there again) before the session has even started. or the incredibly wonderful people you'll be meeting in less than seven months. it makes you almost start crying, and the soon-to-be elders (missionaries) across the way think you're crazy. oops.

and ps. on a completely secular and unrelated note, can we just talk about how incredibly STUNNING the interior of the salt lake temple is? i literally gasped when i got just beyond the waiting room. let alone everywhere else. no wonder it took 40 years to build. i kid you not. GORGEOUS.

it really is a place of love and beauty.

(and a sacred duty. primary song wins.)

ever the optimist.

everyone, everywhere should watch or read this.

and when i say that, i'm not even remotely over-exaggerating.

and if you're like me? you might cry like a baby as you think of your precious babes on the other side of the world.

and about a time when i thought a boy of mine was slipping peacefully away and returning to heaven.

" from time to time, the lord puts certain truths into our hearts that affect our future destiny. we may not fully understand his reason for teaching us these principles at these particular times. instead, it is often once we have passed through the ensuing experiences that clarity comes. we can look back through life's lenses and more fully see that god does prepare a way for us to accomplish what he commands.
...
in his own time and in his own way, god. will. respond.
...
god provides the plan and we contribute the faith and courage. we trust in his timing and in his ways to achieve his purposes, even when--and probably especially when--such purposes may be unclear from our perspective. 
...
all this time i had thought that we were taking care of caleb. but in reality, god, through caleb, had been taking care of us. god was making a miracle on me...and on all those who came in contact with [him]. having [him] in hour home was an honor and a privilege. it was also a sacred experience. "

dallan r. moody, what happens when life gets one degree colder?

in these children, you see heaven. angels and god constantly surrounding them. constantly.
this i swear, and i cannot deny it.

if i had a bike, i'd be riding it.

and i'd probably end up with sunflowers from somewhere along my route.

spring fever, anyone?

check. what a beautiful first day of spring, wouldn't you agree?

IT'S SO GOSH DARN BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW I CAN HARDLY STAND IT.

and sometime caps lock is necessary in excitement, right?

i adore spring.

(which probably comes as no surprise to anyone. no wonder i was born in the spring/summer transition. best time of year.)

would a bike go on the list of irresponsible purchases, see as i'm leaving the country in 4 months from 2 days ago?

( ! ! ! ! + ! ! ! )

but if we're being real, i don't get to leave provo for 7 months anyway.

just sayin. think about it.

and i could bike to and from work during spring!

especially since i'll spend all day at work sitting at a computer processing emails.

completely logical. think about it. just sayin.

member how the semester is over 3 weeks from tomorrow?? yesssssssssssss.

springtime = happiness. universal fact.

and tonight now that projects and tests and everything galore is over (for now),

[shout out to stevie! best brother ever for saving me in crisis for a part of my project that was due today.]

i'm going to costco with sherry sunshine. and probably going to bed early. or watching a movie.

or both.

and remember this playlist? totally breaking it out tonight.

anddddd maybe i'll work on the s+k wedding video a bit?

it's embarrassing how excited i am for all this. like, really.

ps. unrelated note: laurs, lets make beerrocks together someday soon so you can try them? yes? check yes or no.

4 days. what what?

to feel holiness. the eternal mixed with the temporal.
a house of learning, where we are taught by the master.

"the teachings of the temple are beautifully simple and simply beautiful.

they are understood by the humble,

yet they can excite the intellect of the brightest minds."

russell m. nelson, prepare for blessings of the temple

all those days, chasing down a daydream.

you know those weeks:

- that involve 12-15 continuous hours on campus every day?
- the weeks you spend wayyy too much time in the testing center?
(there are more guys than girls there late at night. and there are more guys than girls on the far right side. why is that?)
- the weeks that it feels like everyone else has got it together and is going places (like grad school) easily?
- the weeks that you definitely don't get enough sleep?
- the weeks that hygiene goes out the window? well, more than usual, anyway.
- the weeks that every single class decides to have their projects and tests?
- the week you spend more time in the cougar eat to eat on campus than ever before, besides freshman year?

thank heavens that week is almost over.

image found here. i adore that peachy color lately.

on the bright side, this kind of week also includes:

+ quality study time and new study spots (yes, i detest the library and its atmosphere. it's true.) 

+ finding out that shakes at scoreboard are only 2 dollars/finding out that they even have shakes on campus.

yes it took all the restraint in me to not buy one every day.

+ hilarious study sessions with katie and brittney. that always involve chocolate rewards.

+ running into old friends on campus. (!!!) and a mutual understanding that high school is very much in the past.

+ fooling katie and brittney into thinking i know everyone on campus. i promise i don't! haahaha.

(but it is kind of exciting that i run into someone i know so frequently compared previous years here.)

+ sunny days and no coats! you know how i detest wearing coats.

(i didn't even wear tights yesterday. what. now.)

+ going to the creamery by where i work for the first time since starting there. last time i went there, there was a pool next door and dt as well. helloooo, the brownies at this creamery are totally fresher! so glad i've been introduced to the goodness.

(best part is when other people go to the creamery and buy things. and share with me!

pretty sure independent study single-handedly keeps that creamery in business.)

+ realizing how slightly attached i am to byu and the department here when faced with the possible option of finishing up somewhere else because of the awkward timing of my mission. nope. can't do it.

+ light at the end of the tunnel because there are only a few more weeks until the semester is over!

+ UKRAINE. (+ excitement letter from hermana allen.) need i say more?

thank heavens there's always silver linings.

pretty sure i deserve to watch ygm this weekend.

though you may be so many stars away.

photo found here.

the thing is, as i've reflected on this past week throughout this past week,

and then reflected on all the little hints throughout my life,

it feels like i always knew i was going to ukraine.

i just didn't realize it until now.

but i always knew.

get over your hill and see what you find there.

i have so much on my mind, and so much to process and think through. i don't know where to begin.
i don't care if anyone ever reads this, but i need to write to process everything. through writing, i find understanding and through writing, i find order in my thoughts. having something written down allows me to let go of it. to realize it for what it is, and then move forward. until it's written, the thoughts are a jumbled mess just waiting to be released. and typing aids this process with infinitely greater efficiency for the most jumbled of thoughts. fly freeeee, little thoughts. fly free. [this is a monster post. warning.]

i am firmly convinced that sometime, somewhere, this song was written for me so that i could hear it on friday evening. maybe that's a bit over the top, but to some extent, still true. every word describes my feelings at the moment and is like little pieces of inspiration for me that push me forward. i look up from my knees. get over (my) hill and see what (i) find there with grace in (my) heart. love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. get over your hill and see what you find there with grace in your heart.
on friday i had my first meltdown about ukraine. i freaked, to put it simply. i freaked out about the language. i freaked out about the darkness. i freaked out about the winters. i freaked out about everything and questioned my capabilities, questioning why on earth i ever would agree to this. and it's also safe to say that i've never learned so much about the nature of the devil than i have in the past two months. and the thing i've learned above all is that he knows our weaknesses and is not beneath using them to his advantage. read this. it's long, but i promise you won't be sorry you did. this is my problem. i'm susceptible to that self-doubt that makes me wonder concerning my capabilities--or the lack thereof. i let myself feel defeated, though i never really give up. just discouraged, which is almost as bad. while none of this is good, and i am openly making myself vulnerable by admitting my weaknesses, i think this is the most important step. you can't fight against something you don't recognize as a problem. see this quote. and that's just it. any bouts like this of freaking out typically only last an hour or so and then i'm done and i perk right back up again and find things to get excited about. but my goal for the next four months is to avoid any freaking out (as much as possible, anyway) and only maintain that excitement, eagerness, and zeal to serve.

and so, i look up. i get over my hill of discouragement concerning the extreme difficulty of the russian language when learning from a emt (english mother tongue) perspective. hello, i've already learned two languages. who's to say i can't learn another one--even if it does take more hard work and grace to learn a new alphabet and new system? exactly. i can do this. and i can rock it. i'm determined to do so.

i look up past the hill of discouragement masked as a long, hard winter of mostly darkness with rare appearances from the sun. i struggle with cold, and i struggle with darkness. my greatest fear aside from the feeling of free-fall, is darkness. i can't stand darkness, because i can't stand the unknown within that darkness--literal and figurative. i'm a girl of light, a sunflower always reaching towards light. again, both literal and figurative. i adore the sun, i adore big windows, i adore the happiness that comes with a sunny sky and warmth. however, that warmth can't be appreciated without the winter, and so it is.

it's sad really how easy it is to lose sight of all the good things as soon as one little question of doubt or fear enters your mind. easy, really. i've heard some slightly fear-worthy stories about ukraine this week, but i let them get to me. i let them scare me and lose sight of everything i already know. 

biggest thing to mention: there are so many tender mercies and blessings packed within this call. even before departing, there are so many things about my call that show me how divinely inspired mission calls are. how divinely inspired my mission call is. no, it's not what i expected and i never would have guessed ukraine in a million years. let alone russian-speaking. that being said, the more i learn about it, the more i realize how incredibly perfect it is for me. and yes, i'm going to list the reasons why. so i have it to look back on when i'm an idiot and freak out again.

why is eastern ukraine so perfect for me? let me tell you. donetsk is the city of roses. the ukrainian flag is plain color blocks of blue over yellow - blue for blue skies and yellow for golden fields of sunflowers (and grain). yes, the winters in ukraine are terribly cold, but my mission is in the warmest region of ukraine. tender mercy. ukraine is unbelievably close to romania. it's like being called to romania almost, but better. it's like a second mission to eastern europe - taking with me what i already have learned about eastern european culture, climate, and people from romania. while all these soviet satellite nations are different, they're kind of not. they're practically carbon copies of each other with differences in the details - such as the language. the superstitions, cultural traditions, and people seem to be almost alarmingly similar. so yes, ukraine could seem scary and terrifying, but i've already handled romania! it would be infinitely scarier if i didn't have that knowledge and understanding on my side. the things that were seemingly terrifying about romania turned out to be nothing big. and i've a prediction that ukraine is the same way. and really, in the humblest of ways, i have a thing for language and languages. it's my major after all, studying the acquisition of language. and while it would be nice to have more mastery with another language besides english, what i have with french and romanian is pretty dang good considering the circumstances through which they were learned and the amount of effort exerted to gain that knowledge. i had that mastery almost for awhile with french. and romanian came infinitely faster for me than it did for others considering the level of work put into it. so yes, this is me giving myself a pep talk. i can learn russian, and i can rock it as soon as possible because i care enough about it to do so.

during the mission paper process i learned something about myself. when i know what i need to do and i get excited about something, i put everything into it. all of me goes into reaching that goal, regardless of the repercussions. i just do. i get excited and i go at it because that's what i want. in romania, i made goals that were really important to me. some of the more temporal ones didn't matter and got looked over frequently, but one of my primary goals was to comprehend and use the language, yes. but also to love my kids individually. and so that's what i did. yes, it meant sometimes my workers thought i was crazy. yes, it meant doing my own thing to make sure i got to see each of them individually every single day, but that's what i wanted, so that's what i did. i loved going to the hospital and the experiences i had there, so i never didn't go. i took a day off the first week, because we knew we could and still get enough hours. but soon, i recognized the importance of going and how much i got out of it. and from there, i went. every day, i was there. i owned that place, and loved it. so that's what i'll do in this case too. i want it bad enough, that i'm going to work for it. it's going to be discouraging, it's going to be hard, but i have the power of mtc spirit on my side. the spirit, the gift of tongues, and a bunch of eager and excited other missionaries reaching towards the same goal. i'm going to be that missionary that picks it up and rocks it (and all the other missionaries secretly hate a little bit. but i'll be nice enough that they won't be able to hate me). and maybe it will take more work than i've exerted in the past, (oops. i don't work as hard necessarily to pick it up as others do.) but i'm going to do it. that will be me, and i'll learn russian. for a lot of people, i think the harder thing comes in combining that language-learning with the understanding of people, emotions, and the effect of culture on that people. that's half the battle at the beginning of a mission - coming to understand the culture and the people and why they are the way they are. yes, ukraine was more deeply engrained in the ussr and trapped than the more western romania, but it's still incredibly similar situations, and an incredibly similar effect left on the people, their personalities, and why they do the things they do and act the way they act. i understand them.

i haven't even told you the best part yet. on tuesday, the day before receiving my call, while freaking out in excitement and anticipation, i felt a surge of love course through me. especially as i tried to fall asleep at night, mind racing about the possibilities before me. in those moments, i felt a surge of love for an unknown people. somewhere on the other side of the world, i loved a people that i didn't know yet in a place i didn't know of. all i felt, was that love. it's only now that i know that those people on the other side of the world that i'm loving are in ukraine. and i do. i love them already.

have a little faith, my dear little one. those are the words i hear. have a little faith.
god is good, he knows me, he knows what i can do-especially with his help.
and he knows that i can and want to make a difference on his behalf.
none of this because i'm better than anyone else. all of this because i have faith, and i'm going to exercise that faith. i'm going to trust that while i don't understand everything and i can't see the full perspective, this is exactly where i need to go, this is exactly what i need to learn, and this is the experience i'm meant to have. it really is true about having faith as a grain of mustard seed. it only takes a little bit to be powerful and for it to grow exponentially. the unknown can't stay unknown for long.

so have a little faith, won't you please?

(and call your mom so she can tell you honestly that you're being stupid.)

it's safe to say i'm excited.

ok, so the music in this first video is dumb. the music in this second one is cute, though.and i'm pretty sure you could find an exact replica of a majority of the photos in romania. like, i had to remind myself a few times that it wasn't iași i was looking at as i watched these. love that.romania and ukraine are friends in my book. :)
but seriously. how beautiful does this place look?? prepare yourself for overload of my ukrainian research/stalking findings in the next 4.5 months.it's so happening. i'm obsessed.

far and wide his love proclaim.

for any of you may be living under a rock and missed this little memo, i'm going on a mission!

surpriisseeeee. surprise, surprise. the bigger news is this: yesterday my call arrived at long last. best day ever, right?? let's just say i was just a leeettle bit out of control. you can take leeeetttle to mean whatever you want it to mean. but it probably means exactly the opposite. just a clue. i spent the whole day unable to concentrate on anything. literally. anything. pathetic, but whatever. and after putting my patience levels on trial, at long last, i finally opened it. so for those of you that i'm not fbook friends with or haven't heard yet:

(you can skip watching the video if you want. it's super awkward anyway. and i look ridiculous.

maybe i should have looked in a mirror before opening it?)

i'll be serving in

donetsk, ukraine!

i leave july 18th and will be learning russian.

[ one week after cousin mikey. we'll be mtc buddies. :) ]

i'm still processing everything and it still hasn't really sunk in yet. but i'm really really excited. like, stoked. thrilled. i need some more words because i've been saying the same few phrases a million times for the past 24 hours. and i'm quite positive that the best part is when i tell people that didn't even know i was planning on going. totally worth keeping the secret just for the reactions. reaction winners so far? my coworkers. besssttt! when other people get excited it makes me even MORE excited. who knew it was possible, right??

anddd i'm apparently already the proud owner of a set of scriptures in russian engraved with sister nevers.

hahahaha. love. more pictures and fun later. but this is the only part anyone really cares about.

i'm going to eastern ukraine!

back to eastern europe i go? don't mind if i do.

mult spun că sunt perfect(ă)

sometimes i decide to run away from life in the middle of the day. and go to the temple instead. oops?
found it and found out.

sometimes i find old posts that are worth re-reading. especially when they include quotes that have come up about a kajillion times in the past week. dead serious. take note, world. things work out - they always do.

sometimes i listen to romanian music. just because i can. want some recommendations to fulfill your need for that romanian sound? i got your back. but don't watch any videos. they're most likely 99% sketch. just a guess from experience with kisstv while we were there. except this first one! it's cute.

this one is cute too. but all these others are sketch videos, with acceptable songs. here, here, and here are some good ones i enjoy as of late. or maybe just remind me of romania because that's what you'd hear on the streets and in stores, and thus i love them anyway. buna dimineata, te iubesc. ya bb fo life. sus sus sus!

sometimes sreven nevets and i exchange emails in romanian and french. i use my head. he uses google translator. same thing, right?

sometimes laurs and i gchat. and it's the funniest thing ever. indecisive much? our specialty. lurve her.

sometimes multiple people tell me about devotional today and how great it was and how much i would have liked it. dangit, work. one thing i don't like about you is this missing of cool things.

sometimes i zumba it up. probably the most hilarious thing in the world. or the most embarrassing. probably both.

sometimes i see a kajillion people i know while studying for an exam in the snack/no-shh zone of hbll. (the hbll. oops. did you catch that?) and it makes me look cooler than i actually am.

niciodată mai sigur în viața mea am fost.

member how i'm supposed to be studying anatomy of artic right now like a madwoman for my quiz tomorrow that i haven't started studying for? peace out, girl scout.

least and most, best and worst.

most addictive substance ever: cadbury eggs. out of control.

best fhe ever: going to the bishop's house and getting a delicious dinner and playing a hilarious game of signs.

least patient days of my existence: this week while waiting for my call to come.

worst idea ever: having 5 exams within 2 weeks. while being enormously distracted. oopsay.

most nerve-racking thought ever: the moment i open my call. where do i look first? do i force myself to cover the place first as i read? or do my eyes instantly gravitate towards those magic words?

best roommate ever: when choosing the morning get-ready music (yes, we listen to music every morning) i ask for her to put on something springy and happy and feel good. she chose this. baaahaha. so maybe our life could be a sitcom. we're like a 2 man comedy routine. we're hilarious together. we really are. baha.

worst thing ever: walking through heritage to get to work and looking like a freshmen because i'm short anyway. i resent walking surrounded by freshman going to and from class. i'm going to or coming from independent study, thank you very much.

most exciting thing ever: having my excitement return after a several week waltz with feeling inadequate, unprepared, and terrified. it's a long story that i wrote in my journal yesterday during church at the final peak of feeling ridiculous and nervous. but it's finished. with god, nothing is impossible. we can become perfect through his mercy. have faith and trust. you know those sundays that you just get bombarded with messages for you over and over again throughout every meeting. ones that mostly are saying 'pull yourself together and get over it' - though in much gentler words? it was perfect. main point: I'M SO EXCITED. terrified, always. but excited. baby steps.

best thing ever: tender mercies are the key to happiness. like receiving a copy of a hippie/inspiring music cd in the mail from someone from high school that in person i hardly know, but have exchanged many words with through cyberspace. how thoughtful. is it weird how surprising and amazing it is to me when someone does something thoughtful for me? it's not common, so when it happens its the best. sometimes you just want to hear that people like you, you know? don't keep it hidden away. [so maybe i still can't get over this either. BEST.]

least appealing thing ever: seeing trillions of couples everywhere. i have a love/hate relationship with them. they're so adorable and happy in the spring sunshine. but let's be real, they're just so dang annoying too.

worst idea ever: having a toothbrush in my mouth when starting this post. and it's still there. pretty sure i could fill the space moses parted in the red sea with the current amount of stored up liquid in my mouth. tmi? oops. brb. there we go. alll cleeaannnn.

most of my weaknesses: brownies, homemade rolls, french fries. and sour patch watermelons. i can't turn them down. ever. it's embarrassing sometimes. guilty pleasures. i have to try at least a little bit. always.

best thing ever: cooperative brothers and seeester in love.

worst thing ever; uncooperative brothers [especially when they are complete pills when it comes to doing something for the good of their own wedding. ahem. no comment. yes i just threw you under the bus there, sreven. it's life. punishment? video duty.]

least appreciated motto: baby steps. it's the theme of my life lately. baby steps onto the elevator, bob.

worst: i'm out of control today. and i don't suspect it will go away this week. like, i'm freaking out and out of control ridiculous. true story. anyone who has been around me lately can attest to this.

most depressing thing ever: my cadbury eggs are almost gone.

blue eyes.

i'm sitting in the benson building.
(for non-byu-goers, that's the chemistry building.)
it's the farthest you can get on campus towards going home.
i'm here for the internet because it's so spotty and slow at home. yes, byu. i'm using you.
there's a freshman book of mormon class in a big auditorium by me.
i know that because i heard my cousin from here announcing his mission call, i'm assuming.
funny how that worked.
and then there are lots of guys and asian girls (mostly) wandering around. in goggles.
or just talking about chemicals doing fancy things.
the guy sitting across from me in the hall is doing a scary looking math assignment.

it's safe to say, i don't fit in here.
haaaahahaha. noted. i think this is the longest i've ever spent in the benson. and it's only been 30 minutes.
i'll stick to the non-science places, thank you very much.

this morning birds were chirping. do you know what this means??
SPRING IS HERE.
best season ever.

interesting.

a springing week in pictures

cousin mikey opened his mission call on wednesday. this is what steve and kenzie look like right after.

could these tulips be any more beautiful? probably not.

thursday night we had a romania reunion cause the rozster is in town this week.

first half of the romania reunion:

rossles, kylee, breezy, and me.

second half of the romania reunion:

me, sora (amanda) holman, kylee, michael, roslyn, and amanda.

i've missed these people.

on friday cousin deb came to visit with sam west!

they serenaded me, we made a divine chocolate cake and awkwardly delivered some to mike,

sam forced us to let him buy dinner [SO NICE], and they effectively proved to be completely adorable.

 why is my skin as pale as a ghost, you ask? beats me.

 cutest. ever. such a matching hippie and eclectic and weepies-esque sort of couple. i adore it.

sarah ann syphus and i skyped with mrs.watson!

cute little wife that she is these days in north carolina.

annnddddd she has a southern accent now that pops up here and there.

cutest thing ever. and okay, sarah and i were laughing pretty hard about it too.

mama rozster and i went to humor u together. our last hurrah.

i won't see this girl in person again for at least 2 years. sad, huh?

well, ros ros. you must write me letters once the gchatting days become forbidden.

aka, once i leave.

all this mostly means. i looove you. and will miss you.

(and what will our drain do without your intense self to clean it? yeah, i don't know either.)

that's all folks. mostly.

bring it on craziest week ever. i heart midterms that are all at the same time for all classes.

and maybe my call might probably most likely be coming this week. nbd. no big deal.

aka, i'm freaking out in excitement.

all the empty disappears, i remember why i'm here.

"i see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurled.

hello, world.

sometimes i forget what living's for.

...

all the empty disappears, i remember why i'm here.

just surrender and believe,

i fall down on my knees.

hello, world."

(this song is sobering. don't forget what's important. step back and really see.)

and maybe i just am obsessed with lady antebellum. it's fine.
but any band with a song titled by my name is fine by me.

point proven.

lady a is the best.