a mixer.

[warning. this is a self-indulgent post filled with musings, thoughts, realizations and all.

about me. and my family. and this little thing called life.]

i'm a complete mix. biologically speaking, yes, of course. naturally. when i said this once a few weeks ago, kaitlin just laughed and now we have a beautiful sticky note residing on our quote window saying exactly that. seems obvious enough. we're all mixes aren't we? not quite what i had in mind.

moreso than my brothers, i am split down the middle between parental characteristics. both of them, though sharing characteristics of both my mom and dad, can easily be pinned as more like one or the other. i, however, ebb and flow on any given day. or moment.

physically, my hair is dark as the night and filled with the body and waves of greece. sharp contrast to the pale white-as-snow skin i've also been blessed with, stemming from the other half in iceland/isle of man/england.

mentally, i have the oh, so greek nature to be relaxed, chill, talk with my hands (yes, dad. all of us have this curse/gift), and content to ebb and flow with life around me. in contrast, i can also desire much more rigidity and organization as well as being quite the worry wart who loves to plan things and fret over details and small things.

i know, right? are there any sharper contrasting possibilities for one person? probably not. i live a fun life, naturally.

sarah might have converted me to the tranquility of night showers. you're not worrying about everything to do that day. having to get ready once you get out. all you can do, is just think and ponder. just be. and tonight, that is exactly what i did. my entire life feels realigned and in perspective. and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

i don't have a perfect quote with words written by someone else that perfectly encapsulates what i think or feel. i don't have perfect lyrics that do the same thing. i have nothing. nothing but the beat of my own heart. direct words and feelings. direct tranquility, not stemming from inspiration through quotes or music. which is something i've experienced very few times in my life. for me, at least. maybe i'm different. but that is how i work. through music. and words. but when that is suddenly stripped away, the feelings of love and peace are so intimate and tangible, a rare treat.

right now, everything that is happening in my world, my sphere, my life and surrounding lives that influence me, is exactly what needs to be happening. isn't it interesting how everyone's lives take such different paths, yet they are paths that are just right? only different, nothing else. i'm not putting specifics. because that's not necessary. the entire point, is that everything is just right. and everything will be alright. a fact i don't think i would fully be able cope as i do now, even a year ago. or two years ago. or more. i feel like i've grown up a lot recently. maybe grown up is the wrong phrase. changed, perhaps? i don't quite know. an evolution, of sorts. things that would have driven me mad just months ago, are minimal to me now. instead i am at peace, happy, and filled with complete tranquility. because i know exactly what i need to be doing. which is different from what other people need to be doing. and what needs to happen in my life right now, and in the coming months, is different than what will happen in someone else's life in these coming months. and the thing i've learned most today, the thing most significant that we all have heard, but only fully realize in personal significant moments--is that that is completely okay. our lives all lead different paths.
and maybe that's exactly what makes them so beautiful.